Sunday, September 11, 2011

When the green grass is actually a shade of grey

Years have gone by but our country is still a male dominated nation. Perhaps, I am wrong in making a generic statement, but this male dominated society persists in its most cruel form. People still think like they used to a hundred, maybe two hundred, years ago. Their lives may have changed but what has not changed is the way they look at it. And this black dungeon society has been very clearly portrayed in the Shoaib Mansoor film, Bol. 

The central theme of this movie, though is based on the increasing demand for a male child, however, it does reflect the male dominance and the consequences that women have to face as a result of their egoistic nature. Ever since I remember, a zillion movies have been produced and another zillion books written on this aspect. We, as individuals of the next generation, claim that our lives have changed and male dominance is a thing of the past. Well, I don't really deny this fact, however, I am not ready to give in to this argument as well. 

Men and women, both, claim that today we are more educated and such rust-like traditions no longer exist. Everybody talks about women sharing an equal status with men in all walks of life. I do not say that discrimination against women, exists. But sadly, women still do not have a say in the day-to-day-discussions. Sometimes, it is not because our country is a male dominated society. It is because women have agreed to be dominated by men. 

I am a woman too. Perhaps, I would not have agreed openly if given a chance. I say that men have changed and they see women with respect. But deep inside, I know that if a similar situation arises, wherein I would be expected to give in to the male dominance, I gladly would. Infact, I have done this a thousand time before. I have seen other women doing it. I still see men behaving like they control women. And I still see women, allowing men to control them. 

Maybe it is the rule of the nature that men are born to speak while women are born to listen. 

The movie, Bol, is about a man in Lahore who wishes that a son be born to him. He keeps getting his wife pregnant and girls are born one after the other. The family's financial condition keeps deteriorating while the hungry stomachs keep increasing. One fine day, the family is blessed with a son, but the father later realizes that the child is actually a hermaphrodite. As a result, he grows to hate him. The father in this movie is a perfect example of a man dominating his entire family. He doesn't allow his children to go out of the house. His eldest daughter is rebellious and, therefore, too outspoken for him to tolerate. They often get into conflicts. And if she ever wins an argument, she is thrashed black and blue. 

I don't know if such things are still prevalent in our country and the neighbouring ones too. Perhaps, the downtrodden still wish for a boy to be born so that a member to earn money is added to the family. Daughters have always been a liability. 

Even in today's world, women, at some point or other, let men dominate them. Time and again, their own existence is questioned. Even in the tiniest of situations, women curse themselves and take the blame for anything that goes wrong. 

Why is it always the woman's fault when things turn sour in any relationship?
Why is it that the woman has to keep quiet even when she is not wrong?
Why is it that she has to suffer silently, knowing that her man is the one who ought to be blamed?
Why is it that her life and death depend on someone who is not God?

Like, I said before, we are an educated lot and the grey norms of the society that once existed are no longer the supreme drivers of our life. We may not be following them like they were followed but somewhere they exist in our heads. Menfolks somewhere deep inside have that male dominance remaining while woman still feel inferior. 


Renu said...

today I can give you many examples where girls are totally arrogant and selfish and using the husband, even abusing them..and their percentage is increasing,and so is the rate of divorce. We cant remove any injustice by doing that ourselves...chori rokne ke liye chora ban jaana solution nahi ha.

Sakshi said...

Education is the key to it. Simple as that. It has been shouted over an d over again, but no avail!
Here is something that society needs to know, and men need to accept, the responsibility of the gender of the child is on the father, and not on the mother!
Whether a girl is born or a boy is born is totally upon the father, because of the genes that HE carries. Once that is drilled in the MEN and the old fashioned women of our society half the problem shall be solved!

The rest half, has to do with the mentality. What kind of khazana would you get if you have daughter over a son! I feel, okay, I will be biased here, but I feel, that now with the society changing a tad bit, and women being given the opportunities they are as capable of taking the so called 'family' name forward just as well as a son!

As far as women being thumbed down by men is concerned, I agree with Renu, that there are a lot of men also who are dominated by their wives and mothers.
But, really, that is a very very small percentage!
The major percentage of the people still stick on with the age old mentality of a woman being submissive and the man being the bread winner, therefore dominating!

A very hard hitting post, Chandini! Good work :)

SEPO said...

I badly wanted to see this movie! Your post has made the desire more strong!!

Great post!

Chanz said...

Renu, you are not wrong in what you are saying but the numbers supporting it are quite less... There are women who keep men under their foot, but how many would they be.. a few hundreds... a few thousands?? we are a country with 1.21 billion people

Chanz said...

@ Sakshi: Absolutely. It is all in the mind. Perhaps, the condition would improve if our countrymen are more educated. However, it would take years to bring about a change in our thinking.. The process would be considerably slow.. I am sure that when it picks up speed, we will be a changed nation.. And that is what we are looking forward too..

Chanz said...

@ Sepo: You mus watch that movie.. It is an eye opener..

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

From what you've described, it is a must watch movie. I'll try to.

But many a times, I've seen is the eldest women in families who often (not always) fuel and antagonize younger ones, especially the brides. Big egos to keep if their boy is scolded 'parvarish' and 'sanskaar' are something that these girls from outside seem to be lacking. Ego, a small word, but echoes too much.
In other cases, man is just gone awry to treat life-partner and children like someone enslaved or controlled.

Nice post.

Blasphemous Aesthete

Ki said...

IT's just social conditioning... if there was no fear of ridicule from society, would he kill his son? I think it is just a vicious cycle, where everyone is trapped. Everyone needs to be educated to grow above and beyond this!