Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Opposites Attract Or Birds Of A Feather Flock Together?

Opposites Attract was a phrase that I heard for the first time when I was about 13 years old. Specifically used in magnetic induction and electrostatics, this term seemed to hold a meaning and was always taken seriously. As I grew up, I realized that this term could be extended to relationships and I started to believe in its truthfulness, therefore, I agreed to the fact that more the differences exist between a couple, the stronger the relationship becomes. No matter how different the two individuals may be, the bond between them gets strengthened and drastically reduces the possibilities of a heartbreak. The simplest argument that a teenager's mind could use for validating this premise was that different individuals had different interests to share, different things to talk about and different ways to spend time with each other, which would eventually open the gates to a plethora of thoughts unknown to each other. As a result, the time spent together would be memorable and definitely not boring for the other one. That was the time when I started getting attracted towards boys and girls who had different interests than mine and I fluttered every time I came across someone who had a different perspective and a different approach.

This, however, did not last even half as long as I thought it would. Very soon, I realized that these concepts looked better when confined to the Physics books. The realization that relationships work best when the two individuals have similar interests dawned on me. It would be wrong to say that the concept of 'opposites attract' no longer exists but I perhaps had a biased view in this regard, since I had mostly seen (and experienced) the contrary. Neither had I known the reason that could negate my perceptions, nor had I found out the underlying factors of unlike characteristics seen among couples.

Time and again, I have come across such couples having opposite traits who happen to love each other's differences. However, the love diminishes when they realize that they do not like to spend time with each other. Sometimes, it takes a few meetings to understand whether the couple is compatible or not. In most unlikely situations (which, I believe have taken the form of more likely situations), it may take years of togetherness to realize that they are, after all, different. It may take too long to understand that it is best if the couple would separate their ways. However, I fail to understand, how long is too long?

There is no 'one correct solution' to such problems. But, if you ask me, I would say that the calculation involving the time for such problems to arise depends upon the need of the two (or one of the two) individuals. If you know what Maslow's Hierarchy is, then you can possibly understand what I am trying to put through. As and when the need of the couple gets fulfilled, they desire for something more that could add life to their relationship. This, of course, is irrespective of the fact that the couple holds similar or dissimilar interests. For instance, the relationship would work well if one of the individual is an extrovert and the other is an introvert. It would work equally well if both of them have either of the personality traits. The love or the bonding may deepen, provided there exists the same level of desire in both these cases. And this desire may be a safety need, a need for a sense of belonging, sexual need or simply a need for esteem; just like the Maslow's Hierarchy.

I have to admit that over the years, I have matured a lot. And so has my thinking. As a kid, I thought that only opposites attract. Into my late teenage years, I thought that opposites attract but then they eventually attack. Later, I thought that it is better if opposites do not attract and life would be simpler if like minds stick together. And today, I think that it does not matter if opposites attract or they don't. What matters is how they understand their own needs and more importantly, the need of their partners. This is what we need to understand. Not a word more and not a word less.


Anjali Gaur said...

Good thought...whether opposite or similar, what matters is "togetherness"

Abbelina said...

Yeh! Relationship expert, its a strong truth put forth in a simplest way.. Wndrfully awsme!

Chanz said...

@ Anjali: exactly.. it is in the hands of the couple if they want the things to work out well..

Chanz said...

@ Abbelina: Thanks a lot.. :)

Renu said...

Everyone has some gap in his/her personality and if it is filled by the other they feel happy.

Chanz said...

@ Renu: True :)