Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The cruel past persists in the future

Standing on the edge, she could feel the cold wind piercing her skin as it pushed her back and she tried her best to balance herself. Scared of the moment when thoughts became her enemy, she stood there solid as a stone. She was afraid to think. She was afraid to go any further. The mere thought nearly choked her to death. She could almost feel a lump forming inside her throat, but gathering all her courage, she tried to gulp it down. Remembering her mother's words made her weaker."Mistakes are the trickiest thing that could happen to anybody", her mother had once told her. Loud and clear the words sounded in her ears. Nimisha, could feel her heart beating fast. In a jiffy, her thoughts too took her back to the cozy evening, when she had been alone with her mother and they talked about their life at length. "They are committed by humans, and humans only. But the least you can do is to take lessons from your mistakes and move on". 

Nimisha, remembered her words. And she could also hear the silent sobs that her mother had let out, while she explained about how her mistakes had affected her life. Nimisha's father had left them when she was just three years old. All through her life, she had called him names and she swore that she would continue till the day she died. However, the truth had hit her hard and she hated herself for not knowing the truth all these years. And even when her Mother was the culprit, she couldn't help but hate her father even more. And today, standing there alone, with her back towards her car, she still abused him. But for a different reason. A reason, which she could not ignore. A reason that had been tossed out in the open by her mother.

"It is not just important to learn from them, but you must implement them as much as you can. It is true that mistakes make you more experienced. But it is also true that the effect of your mistake will haunt you for a lifetime." With that last line, her heart skipped a beat. She had to give in to the awful truth that mistakes, once committed, leave a deep mark. Her mother committed a mistake about 27 years back. She regretted. She gave in. She learnt from it. And then she moved out of it. But she had to suffer at every stage. She suffered at the time she was wrong. She suffered at the time she regretted. She suffered even when she had already learnt from her mistakes. And she suffered even today after 27 years when she had a new life. In short, she had to suffer every time only because she made a mistake in her life 27 years back.

Nimisha could never understand the thin line that existed between forgiveness and holding a grudge. With her mother's blessings, she had always taken to the right path in life. Forgiveness was her key to happiness. But she could never understand why other's had difficulty in forgiving their counter parts. This is the only grudge she had in her mind for her father. Atleast today, it was the only grudge.

But if all that her mother had told her was true, then forgiveness holds no value. And she would not forgive her father for not forgiving her mother. Nimisha could forecast her own sufferings. She could very firmly negate all those who had told her that if she learnt from her mistakes, she would emerge a winner. She realized that if you commit a mistake, then you would eventually have to suffer. The world will make sure that you suffer. Time and again, they will remind you of the mistakes you had committed. No matter how good you are at heart, you would have to suffer.Realizing this, Nimisha knew that her life would not be any different from her mother's for she too had made mistakes. Mistakes that were similar to her mother's. "The past cannot be changed, but the future will be a reflection of what you did in the past." She still did not know if it was correct, but she had no reason to disagree. Taking her mother's words, she repeated to herself, "The past cannot be changed, but the future will be a reflection of what you did in the past" and then she took a step forward, only to get lost in a whirlpool of death. 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

stupid post with a lot of negativity.

Chanz said...

@ Anonymous: You are absolutely right.. I am glad you realized this yourself

Nasra said...

nice post, love your blog

Anjali Gaur said...

At last...Chanz is back with a story...the story is able to hold the anxiety till the end...but the end in incomplete..."the problem" which is the main plot is not there..Are you planning to write a a Sequel?

Kali said...

Great story :) your blog is too good! Keep going...

Anonymous said...

i did nt wanted 2 .. bt i hve nt posted d above comment.. i m d guy who posted d comments on ur previous 2 posts..

Sakshi said...

Chanz! what a story, makes me want to dig deeper!

Atul said...

i always always always associated whirlpool with washing machines! u made me aware of another one!! whirlpool of death! sounds like a title of next creepy novel from some B grade hindi lekhak... or it cud be a spoof of the Avatar! ... from the stable of RGV :-|

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

And I feel that after having made such an astounding realization, she did not have to jump in afterall.
Nice introspective post. :)

Cheers,
Blasphemous Aesthete

vandy said...

beautifully expressed but it felt incomplete

Mehak said...

this was nice...
i wish 'anonymous' above would use their name if they want to call your post stupid with so much authority.