Friday, September 24, 2010

The day of forgiveness

Every culture and every religion has given us innumerable reasons to celebrate and make merry. The list is not just limited to the festivals but also includes those special days like father's day, mother's day and world smile day which are majorly dedicated to a person, a group of persons in your life or merely a reason. I don't know how it is in other countries, but I have seen Indians celebrating almost every such day in a big fashion. Greeting cards are sold in abundance. It gives me immense pleasure when I see everybody accepting every other person's culture and making a move towards making it a part of their own lifestyle. Valentines day (infact the entire week) is celebrated with great zeal and passion. Though valentines day has been derived from the western culture, the Indians, during that time, paint the whole town red; the colour of love fills up every nook and corner. This year, I got a lot of SMSs  and emails on women's day. They made me feel special even though I belong to a country where Sati and female infanticide was most prevalent. 

Did you know, today, every member of the Jain community is celebrating what is known as the Kshamavani Diwas. On this day, all the Jains approach every other individual and ask for Kshama or forgiveness. They beg pardon of their mistakes and faults which were committed by them knowingly or unknowingly. They confess and ask for forgiveness. It is a day when Jains keep nothing against anybody and forgive every other individual for their mistakes. They say, forgiveness is the ultimate road to salvation. Those who forgive are the strongest people on this earth. It is very easy to get angry and shout at others but it takes a real strong heart to forgive. It is not easy to forget what happened in the past and start afresh. We, human beings, are very emotional. We do not forget the wrong-doings of others. Imagine yourself waking up one morning and forgiving every person who has ever hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Doesn't happen, isn't it? You'd think about it a hundred times before approaching those people and apologizing. 

Forgiveness is the greatest act of kindness. A person can be kind only if they have carry no negative thoughts in their mind. Would you be kind to a person whom you do not like? I don't think it is possible. To take out all kinds of negative thoughts, you need to control your anger. Negative thoughts give birth to anger. Anger can be discarded only if you have a clear mind, a mind that thinks about more than just revenge. And revenge can be altered only if you forgive. So, basically it is the anger which needs to be thrown out of our lives. 

I read somewhere, "A forgiver sleeps soundly and peacefully; but the night of an unforgiving person passes in mental tension and uneasiness. It seems as if his bed was strewn with thorns." If you ask me, I totally agree. Look into your own lives. Try to recall a day when you were angry at someone. Do you remember getting those wrinkles on your forehead, that frown which made you feel miserable. Restless sleep and uneasiness took the better of you. Didn't you spend time thinking about the whole issue? Maybe you even felt suicidal. Now imagine how your day would have passed, had you forgiven that person. Sweet, isn't it? That is the point I want to make. 

I am not sure whether you have ever heard of Kshamavani Diwas. I don't know if such a day is celebrated in other parts of the world or not. Every year I apologize and ask for forgiveness from all the Jains that I know of. When I was a kid, I used to get embarrassed. When I grew up, I realised that there was nothing to be embarrassed. It is a good deed and I must do it with a pure heart. And this year, I thought I would be doing a greater deed if I share it with the rest of the world. 

With folded hands, I apologize for all my mistakes. I am sorry if I had ever hurt you in any way. I beg for forgiveness. 

Thursday, September 23, 2010

3x7 tag

I had always heard of 24x7.And this 3x7 is something new and different. And I love things that are different from the usual. Look at me, this is tag time and I have all the nonsensical things going on in my mind. I feel like blabbering because I am super-happy today. I wish I could stretch my arms, stand up on my toes and touch the sky. It feels really good when a burden falls off your shoulders and you break free. Today was one such day. 

Now, because I am very happy, I decided to take this tag. Chitz tagged me sometime ago. Did I tell you that she wrote on her blog that I am one of her favourite bloggers? Did I..?? I just did. Yay..!! 

- Tag as many u want!
- Link their pages in your tag post
- Post a message / leave a comment screaming that they r tagged
- Mention the person who tagged you in your tag post, and link their blog.
- Write 3 X 7 things about yourself ..

Let me choose the order in which I want to take up the rules. 

Here goes the tag 3x7:

3 places i would pack my travel bag for

If you ask me then I just have one place in my mind right now. And that is Mumbai. Guys, please don't roll your eyes. I know the place is filled with filth but my friends talk about it so often that I have grown to love it. Actually, I always did love it. I have some fond memories of Mumbai. Every year I used to spend my summer vacations there. I didn't realize that Mumbai would fall in the list of places I would want to go to. I can almost hear Mumbai calling out to me. 
And if I have to give two more names then it'll be some place which is calmer than the metropolitans. With lots of greenery and ofcourse which is breathtakingly beautiful. It'll just be a vacation. If you know such a place then you can tell me.
3 On-Screen characters i love to watch

1. Jim Carrey (His laugh makes me laugh)
2. Hrithik Roshan (I have always loved him)
3. Julia Robberts (I cannot name a single movie of hers which I din't like)

3 moods that describes me the best

I am a hardcore moody person. It doesn't take time for me to switch between the moods. One moment I'll be jumping around and the next moment you'll find me sulking. However, if I have to list the 3 moods (Gosh, its going to be difficult), lemme think and write. Umm...
1. Cheerful. People say that I resemble a joker, not just in looks but in character too. I am always that bubbly chulbuli girl who is completely clumsy. You'll always find me running around here and there making stupid mistakes. 
2. Angry. I am not short-tempered but I can get extremely angry if things don't go my way. I am a spoilt brat and I love when people pamper me. So if you don't want me to get angry at you, pamper me. 
3. I-don't-care mood. I wish I could do away with that. But I can't. I am helpless. 

3 things i always think of doing on a weekend... but never did.. :)

Sleep. Yawn.

3 things from my childhood that i cant forget

As I said, I was always a joker, a known comedian in the family. I have a lot of memories from my childhood. Let us skip this one or else the next question would never come. 

3 things i wud never say no to

1. Chocolates
2. Pizza
2. Flowers (No roses for me, I have other preferences. Please consult me before buying one)

3 things i cant live without

1. An internet connection (God, I feel handicap without it)
2. My phone with ample balance in it. 
3. My night clothes (I don't mind wearing them even when I go out. If only I didn't have to think about impressing the guys)

And I tag Shivani, Renu, Supriya, Shalini, Ramit, Nipun, Mehak, Anjali and Sakshi.

A special mention of Cathy. I am tagging you. Hope it brings you back in form.

I am tagging only a few people so that those who have been tagged can pass on the tag to the common bloggers. 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Am I thinking too much..??

Delhi has had torrential rains this season. It is quite unusual for a place like the national capital, a land locked city, to have such rains in the month of September. The monsoons, here, have always been confined to July and August (yay, my birth month falls in the monsoon season). I don't really know whether to take this year's monsoon to be a curse or a boon. On one hand, the rain is making the constructions for commonwealth games turn into a disaster with roads clogged more than ever. On the other hand, the kharif crops are expected to be better than what they have ever been(pardon the little knowledge I have on this topic; I just read it in the newspaper today). Since these two aspects aren't directly related to me so let me be biased. I immensely love this season. All I want to do is relax. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I want to sit back and simply watch the rain drops as they fall. It isn't a very good idea to go out in this rain so I'd rather watch it from a distance. That is the beauty of this season. The trees and the leaves look so fresh and green; the view outside is so breath taking that you can enjoy it even from your balcony. How I wish these monsoons could just go on and on. *Sigh*

Maybe there is something in the air that I have suddenly become quieter than I was. These days, all I do is gaze at the window or even the completely-dull-blank-ceiling. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with me. It’s just that I spend my time thinking. Sometimes, completely aimless thought cross my mind and I not only build castles in the air but also elephants, tigers and rhinos. And you know what; it is quite relieving at times. It makes me feel that I am at peace. No wonder, I am loving the rains so much even though everybody else if getting irritated with it. 

Anyway, it is time that I come out of this dream. The monsoons are going to end soon. Not that I want them to end but I want the winters to come too. Okay, I really think I am loosing it now. Not a word more about the rain or even the winter season. Let us change the topic right away. 

A few days back, I attended a workshop in my nephew's school. Yeah, kindergarten schools also organize workshops for parents. It was quite an interactive session wherein parents are taught how to teach their little ones. And I must tell you that the system of education has completely changed since our times. Modern day schools have adopted the American education system (as they claim). Kindergarten kids no longer need to carry books and pencils to school. Infact, there are not even taught how to write. Writing comes in much later. The memory that I have of kindergarten a involved so much writing. The first thing I learned to write was the capital letters of the English alphabets. The system is so much different. In the workshop, the teachers told us that the kids wouldn't be taught capital letters for the next two years. I was a little aghast at that because it seems to be quite late for a child to learn their letters in standard II. But the logic that they gave made sense. The children will be taught to write the small letters (cursive writing) first. Capital letters would follow once they are comfortable with the small ones. The reason why they have adopted this new system is because we use small letters more often while writing. Capital letters are used only in the beginning of a sentence or in writing proper nouns. That comprises of just 2 percent of all that we write. Doesn’t it look astonishing that the kids, nowadays, are learning a totally different concept? Well, frankly, more than the children, it is the parents who need to be taught the new system. We really need to un-learn what we learnt as kids. That’s exactly how we will teach our kids. Obviously, you don’t want your kids to get confused between what they teach at school and what their parents teach at home.

I am skeptical about what the education system would be, 10 years from now, when it is time for my kids to go to school. Yeah, I know, I know. I am still unmarried but I couldn't help but think about of what I would have to face after 10 years. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am getting trained. 

Friday, September 17, 2010

Its just the beginning

Friday, 8:32 AM

An abrupt ending to a weird dream woke me up. I don't really dream too often but weird proceedings in a dream sometimes leave you shocked. Not that it was a terrifying dream but I dreamed about something which is not going to happen. Atleast not in the near future. A little perplexed that it made me, I tried to get forget about it. Still lying on the bed, I picked up my phone and saw the time. It was already 8:25 and I had to hurry up but I felt too lazy to get up. I connected to the internet on my phone and I checked my mails (I do that every morning and now it has become a routine). 3 spam mails were all I had received. Reluctant I was to get out from the comforts of my bed; I had to force myself out. I was already late for the office. I decided to get ready and ponder about the dream later.

Friday, 9:48 AM

I was all ready to go to the office but the breakfast wasn’t ready yet.  To kill time, I turned on my laptop and logged in. With my gmail account open in one tab and facebook in the other, I sat there waiting for the page to load. I don’t understand why the internet is so slow in India. My brother is USA tells me that there it takes less than one-fourth the time to load a page. Now that’s incredibly fast compared to our lousy connections here. Anyway, we can talk about the pathetically slow speed of the internet later. I have more interesting things to talk about than just this. Well, something happened exactly at the moment I logged on. That very moment I received an email. Obviously I wouldn’t tell you what was there in that email but it did make me smile. And it was a perfect start to a not so perfect morning.

You know, sometimes unexpected things happen at the times you least expect them (yeah least expect them.. err.. didn’t I just say that it was unexpected). I am sure the person who had sent me the mail didn’t even realize that his small gesture would bring that broad a smile on my face. Life is quite unpredictable. At times it makes us cry so much that you wish to end it. And sometimes, it gives us so much happiness that you wish you could live longer. Everybody gets their share of joys and sorrows. Everybody..!! God can never be unkind to any one person nor will he be biased in showering his blessing on us. If you really think that he has been unkind to you, wait for the time when you will be his beloved child. And if he really is unkind to you then perhaps that is his way of correcting your mistakes. Okay, I really think that all this gyaan is not needed at this time. The only point I wanted to make here is that it feels good when ‘pleasant’ unexpected things happen to you. That is when you really understand the importance of those moments in your life. I did because I love surprises..!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dabangg it is..!!

I saw Dabangg yesterday and it got me thinking. Yeah, a movie that was as pointless as this one made me think. Frankly, I am not much of a Salman Khan fan; I have never been one and I find him to be a useless dancer who just goes overboard in his acting. I know, one of my friend from graduation days would kill me on reading this. She has made innumerable plans of getting married to him (also, the number of children she would have with him has been pre-decided) and if at all she reads it, I will surely be dead. Its quite a daring act to admit in public that I have never liked Salman khan's style and I am risking my life, nevertheless, I will stick to my words. Dabangg was a little different from most of the Salman Khan's flicks. It wasn't that bad (I wouldn't mind if you read it as, it was a good movie). No seriously, I kind of liked it even though it had truck loads of useless drama and was a total nautanki (I think I have used this term about 50 times since yesterday).

Talking about his dance, it was still his usual overacting and forced steps but this time it was a deliberate attempt to make us laugh and fortunately (or unfortunately) he succeeded. All through the movie I was laughing at the top of my voice and I so so so loved Salman's overacting. I think for the first time ever. I loved every single dialogue he said and every single move he made. And I am not over the movie yet. It doesn't end with Salman. You should see Sonu Sood. I don't know what you are going to think about me but on seeing him on screen I almost imagined him in bed with him. He is so hot. And he has got a fabulous body. For a split second, my heart skipped a beat when he came out semi nude. Really..!! He is simply irresistible.

Okay, I think it is my turn to go a little overboard but I'll still let you in a little secret. I was actually fantasizing about kissing Salman khan with that little moustache. I mean, I have always despised men with moustache (No offense to you if you have a moustache, girl's generally don't like it). But after this movie, I gave it a thought. I realised that men could actually look cute hot with a moustache. Though I still prefer a clean shaven man, the probable scope of finding an eligible man for me has suddenly increased. I definitely have a reason to rejoice.

Humka peeni hai, peeni hai, humka peeni hai..

Saturday, September 11, 2010

A change much-needed

Those who have been following my blog, regularly, know that I haven’t be the cheerful, bubbly girl of late. Off and on I have been cribbing about my life, how much I hate it and how much I desperately needed a change. Change is good, I think. It really helps you to get over that depressing monotony and replenish our almost-dead-souls. Sometimes you really wish to take a plunge into a bucketful of refreshing water (as in freezing cold) and just come out afresh, put on your roller skates and just rattle on. I mean, doesn’t it sound way too exciting. I wouldn’t mind a change, a wild adventure that is. Not that I am looking for a near-death experience but yes, a little change in the mood is always welcome. Eagerly.

Don’t take me wrong here. I am not cribbing again. I just had a little encounter with fun last night and it did help me get the ball rolling this morning. It was simply a little hoopla which not just made me smile but brought a big grin on my face.  Just a little bounce here and a little leap there, it felt nice to be dancing again, especially when I was two drinks down. It is not that I haven’t partied in a long time. Just a week back there was a small reunion with my college friends and I had a wonderful time. The only difference was that the mood wasn’t right then and some small issues creeping into my mind didn’t really let the alcohol do its bit but it was different yesterday. Maybe my mood of a lighthearted, jovial and a happy-go-lucky soul made me pull through my constant unceasing snarls. I had a lovely time. The fact that I wanted to move on, perhaps, made me enjoy more than I usually do. The best part was that I didn’t know half the people there. I could just be the way I wanted to be. 

Anyhow, it’s a lovely day today. I loved the rain and I thoroughly enjoyed the drive to the office. My fingers, that were on a lookout for a jazzy song, had been rapidly shuffling through the radio stations and stopped every time there was a breath-taking number on the other side (read ear-splitting wild music ). There was absolutely no bickering from anyone and there wasn’t anybody to yell at. Gosh, at times I wonder how life would have been if I had been the only woman on this earth. Just me and myself.

You know what? I must admit, I have started to love spending time in my own company. It just makes me recollect all the loose threads in my life and weave them the way I want them to be. I know, I know. Don’t tell me that you guys think that I love myself a lot. Yes I do and I already know that. After all, main apni favourite hun..!!


Thursday, September 9, 2010


As a kid, I have had an image in my mind. Over the years my perceptions have changed, and so has that image. But there is only one aspect which hasn't changed and remains intact in that image. No thoughts, no knowledge and no perceptions has ever been able to change it. Though I had entirely forgotten about it, a few days back I was reminded of the image while I was travelling by car. I know, this isn't really a good way to start a post but my heart and soul are completely lost in that image right now that I am not able to get my words right. 

I have always tried to imagine what my life will be like, lets say 10 or maybe 20 years down the line. My mind has had innumerable encounters (sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously) with the people who will be a part of my life a few years hence. Though it is entirely an illusion, I am just being optimistic that I would get all that I have been daydreaming about. But, there is one thing that I desire with my purest heart. The place where I am going to live. Sadly, the image is nowhere near the image that I have of Delhi. Not that I don't like Delhi, but it is certainly not the place I would want to spend my entire life in. Okay, its not even that I have any plans of leaving Delhi in the near future (I am so so so in love with this city that the mere thought of leaving it gives me jitters). But I have realized that the image that I have in my mind is not of this lovely city. It is more of a serene place, nothing like what I am living in right now. 

Do those six lane roads on either side in a metropolitan city excite you..?? It doesn't even have half an effect on my adrenaline. Maybe because I have grown up in Delhi and I have always seen these wide roads, it doesn't make my heart skip a beat nor does it makes my heart rush. I want to live in a place which is eerily quiet with no traffic rush. I want to live in a place with four lane roads, two on each side and a huge divider in between which has huge trees planted every 1 meter. The two lanes must have trees on either side in such a way that only see a thin blue strip of the sky is visible amidst the trees. When I look up in the sky, I don't want to see the bright sun glaring at me. All I want to see a clear sky with a color so blue that even the richest blue looks pale in front of it. I want the entire city to look beautiful; without a single depressing sight to look at. 

And flowers. Yes, ofcourse. Imagine an enormous field of yellow tulips stretching up to the horizon. Maybe it'll remind you of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (the only difference being that there it was a field of yellow mustard instead of tulips). No, I don't want my man to come running towards me singing "tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam". I'd rather sit on a lush green pasture near that band of flowers reading books to my kids. I want to live in a small city with not many inhabitants around. Quiet and yet so lively. I wish to teach my kids how to swim in an open lake. I don't want to spend time and energy (and money too) trying to get a membership in the best club in Delhi. Apart from a few filthy rich friends who believe in nothing but show off, I would have nothing. Yes, I will be able to provide good education to my children. But its not necessary to live in a metropolitan city to do that. I simply want to lead a peaceful life away from all the hustle and bustle of the big cities. 

I am sure a lot of you might think that I am a fool to be dreaming things like this. My image is more like a scene straight from a movie. Some of you might even argue that it doesn't happen anymore. But I know that somewhere it does happen. I know that I may never leave Delhi but I have an extremely sweet image in my mind. Over the years, all I have done is dream. I have always considered life to be a fairy tale. I still believe that a charming prince would come my way and I would elope with him on a horseback. I still think that I am the most beautiful person alive on this earth. I still have a hope that someday my name will make the headlines.   I still expect that when I wake up the next morning, life doesn't give me a single reason to frown. I don't know how much of it would be true. I know that all I doing is building castles in the air. But its just this hope that keeps me going. All I hope is for a better tomorrow. 

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What makes a woman happy?

Why do people feel lonely even when they have a hundred people around them? How is it that people who are single not be lonely? What do they have that others in a relationship do not have? Why do they feel empty inside? I have had the same questions running through my mind over and over again. I still have them but it is just that every time I think about the answers, they only get clearer. Amy’s O, I saw this movie yesterday and yes, it did help me get a few answers straight. For the same reason, I loved this movie.

“Money cannot only buy happiness but it can also buy a magnifying glass where you see your deepest emptiness.” 
Being a woman, I have also questioned myself as to what would make me happy, now or maybe even 15 years down the line. Trust me; there aren’t too many options available. I want to be rich and famous. I want a husband. I want to have children with my husband. I want my parents near me. I want my girl friends with whom I can bitch. I want a successful career. I also want an amazing sex life. Along with a few small things here and there, this list is exhaustive. Once I have all these things, I think I’ll be happy. I think so.
But there is something else that is needed to make every woman feel complete. A lot of single women out there, who live alone, do not feel the emptiness inside because they are not lonely. But a lot of other women, who have men in their lives and almost all of the above mentioned things, still feel lonely. That’s because there is something missing, something so small that they have learned to live without it and yet it is not that small a thing to be ignored.

There are hopelessly romantic people all over the world who try every other way to connect to the opposite sex and they do succeed. Sometimes, they say that besides love, it is necessary to have a wonderful sex life. Perhaps they just mean to say that sex becomes a savior for relationships that no longer have any spark in them. Sex does ignite that spark but it doesn’t when there isn’t any love in between. There definitely has to be love for things to work out. Let us be very clear here. I really believe that a perfect sex life can only come to those women who have that right man in their lives. And how would you know if the man is right? Men, please don’t frown here. I mean to ask the same question to you too? How would you know if the woman in your life is right? I say, you would just know. Your first instinct would tell you. Do I sound like a fool? Yeah, maybe to some I do but let me explain what I mean here. Or rather let us take an example. Just take anybody you know who you think is in love, today or has ever been in love. It could be you, it could be anybody, your mom, your dad, anybody. Now, when was the first time that person felt that he or she is in love? I am talking about the very first time. The first instant when you felt that yes, he is the one for me, or she is the one for me. There must have been a first time when that feeling arose inside. It could have happened to your mom and dad too. They have been married for ages now. Infact, most of them got married before they started loving each other. Arranged marriages..!! It happens in them too. There is one single instance when you know that who married the right person. I repeat it is the first instinct when you come to know that.
Frankly, I had grown to believe that these first instincts are merely false alarms. I mean, they could be false in many cases. But now I think that it is our failure to understand what love is. And for those who have been a victim of these false alarms, then my dearest sweethearts, let me just tell you that these false alarms were nothing but questions without an answer. Infact they don’t even qualify to be called instincts. And this is not my experience speaking, this is what my perception is. This is what I have chosen to believe. And yes, I do believe in it.

Let me be a little biased now. Let me speak up from a woman’s heart. A true woman who wants to live a happy life, for her sex is not important. Sex only doubles the passion. If there isn’t any passion then I am sorry to say that you are in a wrong relationship.

People, don’t take me too hard because I am neither a psychiatrist nor a relationship therapist to say it. I am just a woman who has certain perceptions and I just want to pen them down. It is as simple as that.

There is nothing in this world that can make a woman feel complete. Only love could do that to her.  

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The pain that I earned

It felt heavy like a stone,
My head refused to sway.
Stuck in one place, 
I could feel the throbbing within.
I didn't want to move.
There wasn't even a chance.
Sitting there, I tried to open my eyes.
It all looked hazy 
But I saw nothing,
It could have been tears, 
Or maybe even blood
Whatever it was, it had all dried up
If only my hands could reach for water,
Was it an accident,
Or was I drugged and raped,
I just couldn't remember 
But I could taste the blood,
I could feel the pain
My jaws hurt, and in my head 
there was a terrible migraine.
My lips cracked, 
I could feel them dry
Perhaps, I was dehydrated
water was what I needed.
I licked them with my tongue, 
little relief did I get,
Buried inside was a fact
unknown to the world
that this is what I had "earned"
the misery was all mine
and my life, now, adjourned.

I didn't want to write such a post but I did. When the mood is not right, it gets reflected in our thought process. I am not feeling too good. However, this is purely a piece of friction. To the best of my knowledge, it has no resemblance to me or my life or to anybody related to me in any way. I wrote it because I wanted to know what pain could do to others. Now I know..!!