Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What makes a woman happy?

Why do people feel lonely even when they have a hundred people around them? How is it that people who are single not be lonely? What do they have that others in a relationship do not have? Why do they feel empty inside? I have had the same questions running through my mind over and over again. I still have them but it is just that every time I think about the answers, they only get clearer. Amy’s O, I saw this movie yesterday and yes, it did help me get a few answers straight. For the same reason, I loved this movie.

“Money cannot only buy happiness but it can also buy a magnifying glass where you see your deepest emptiness.” 
                                                                        
Being a woman, I have also questioned myself as to what would make me happy, now or maybe even 15 years down the line. Trust me; there aren’t too many options available. I want to be rich and famous. I want a husband. I want to have children with my husband. I want my parents near me. I want my girl friends with whom I can bitch. I want a successful career. I also want an amazing sex life. Along with a few small things here and there, this list is exhaustive. Once I have all these things, I think I’ll be happy. I think so.
But there is something else that is needed to make every woman feel complete. A lot of single women out there, who live alone, do not feel the emptiness inside because they are not lonely. But a lot of other women, who have men in their lives and almost all of the above mentioned things, still feel lonely. That’s because there is something missing, something so small that they have learned to live without it and yet it is not that small a thing to be ignored.

There are hopelessly romantic people all over the world who try every other way to connect to the opposite sex and they do succeed. Sometimes, they say that besides love, it is necessary to have a wonderful sex life. Perhaps they just mean to say that sex becomes a savior for relationships that no longer have any spark in them. Sex does ignite that spark but it doesn’t when there isn’t any love in between. There definitely has to be love for things to work out. Let us be very clear here. I really believe that a perfect sex life can only come to those women who have that right man in their lives. And how would you know if the man is right? Men, please don’t frown here. I mean to ask the same question to you too? How would you know if the woman in your life is right? I say, you would just know. Your first instinct would tell you. Do I sound like a fool? Yeah, maybe to some I do but let me explain what I mean here. Or rather let us take an example. Just take anybody you know who you think is in love, today or has ever been in love. It could be you, it could be anybody, your mom, your dad, anybody. Now, when was the first time that person felt that he or she is in love? I am talking about the very first time. The first instant when you felt that yes, he is the one for me, or she is the one for me. There must have been a first time when that feeling arose inside. It could have happened to your mom and dad too. They have been married for ages now. Infact, most of them got married before they started loving each other. Arranged marriages..!! It happens in them too. There is one single instance when you know that who married the right person. I repeat it is the first instinct when you come to know that.
Frankly, I had grown to believe that these first instincts are merely false alarms. I mean, they could be false in many cases. But now I think that it is our failure to understand what love is. And for those who have been a victim of these false alarms, then my dearest sweethearts, let me just tell you that these false alarms were nothing but questions without an answer. Infact they don’t even qualify to be called instincts. And this is not my experience speaking, this is what my perception is. This is what I have chosen to believe. And yes, I do believe in it.

Let me be a little biased now. Let me speak up from a woman’s heart. A true woman who wants to live a happy life, for her sex is not important. Sex only doubles the passion. If there isn’t any passion then I am sorry to say that you are in a wrong relationship.

People, don’t take me too hard because I am neither a psychiatrist nor a relationship therapist to say it. I am just a woman who has certain perceptions and I just want to pen them down. It is as simple as that.

There is nothing in this world that can make a woman feel complete. Only love could do that to her.  

21 comments:

supriya said...

Its your perception chanz. I understand that. But as per my perception,there is no false alarm. Either its there or not there. I have never had any FALSE alarms as a matter of fact.
If some relationship doesn't turn out well,then it doesn't mean that there was a false alarm in its history. I mean..thats how I think...

Mehak said...

very well said. i love this article... and i agree with you but i kind of feel that its single women who live alone who feel more lonely inside, though they may not show it or admit it but there's a sense of being alone which can be really depressing.

Chanz said...

@ Supriya : U got me wrong.. I intended to say that these false alarms do not exist.. If ever you feel that you have been a victim of false alarms then it is just that stop taking it as if you are a victim.. The alarm cannot be wrong.. Never..

Chanz said...

@ Mehak : It cannot be generalized, I think. Single women have been happy too.. And women who have men, they may still feel lonely.. It just could happen

sepo said...

i do believe in the false alarm part....! it happens. and there is no perfect definition of being happy. things change, people change, life changes and with it the priority changes....! *sigh*

Shivani said...

Whheww !! Doesn't happen with me always that I don't want to opine. But here, I don't want to.. This is a very complicated subject beyond my comprehension... !!

Tu ek kaam karr.. mil mujhe... khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge teen yaar.. aap mein aur teesra dhoond lenge ..

Blasphemous Aesthete said...

Seems like I am the first male to make a comment here. Okay, so you said what was right, to you. Some might disagree, and every body thinks differently.
I believe that every thing takes time, so the signs might be right, r they might be wrong. Love at first sight, as some may say, I think it is infatuation and we can get over with it the moment we decide to.

So this probability of getting the right person is quite tough to predict and time's the best judge. Like for example, we get totally pissed off with someone attitude in the first encounter. We hate them. But eventually, they turn out to be better than anyone else.
They say, faces are often deceptive, I think faces meant a many thing here.

Cheers
Blasphemous Aesthete

Sakshi said...

Love is something that is way to complicated to sum up in the four letters that spell it. For some, it comes many a times, and for others it just comes once.
It is the perception, no one knows what is that we really want!
And, like they say you have to kiss loads of frogs before you get the prince!

Lovely thoughts! :)

Chanz said...

@ sepo : Well, I hope people don't really get a lot of false alarms.. Yes, people change but I do hope that these alarms do not become the reason for change.. I don't know if it'll be good or bad..

Chanz said...

@ Shivani : lol.. mil yaar, masti maarenge...

Chanz said...

@ Blasphemous Aesthete : Well, I don't really believe in love at first sight. I agree that it is simply infatuation which is not difficult to get over with. Sometimes we mistake this infatuation to be love and that creates a problem. Not that I know what love is, but I know that whatever I have felt till now is not love. I really think that whenever loves comes my way, I will know it. Yes, it'll be the time which will give me a hint. I agree. I don't expect that Mr. right to suddenly come in my life and I don't expect that I'll come to know immediately. Maybe I already have that Mr. Right in my life, its just that I have never had that feeling... Just a few false alarms which I have termed as mere infatuations. Simple.

Chanz said...

@ Sakshi : There was a time when I believed that love could happen many-a-times. I don't believe in it anymore. It is just that my thinking has changed or maybe that is what I have seen in the recent times. Here, I am talking about the love between a man and a woman, as in a totally romantic kind of a relationship that they share. Lets say there have been 3 guys in a girl's life and she feels that the relationship she shared with all the three was nothing was love, the only thing I would say is that the girl is a fool to think that it was love. Maybe I am wrong, but I somehow don't believe in this anymore.
Love can happen only once and with just single person. Yes, I agree that it may take time for someone to know that it is love..

How I wish I fall in love with 2-3 guys.. If only that could happen.. Before I start day dreaming and I end up writing another post in this comment section, I think I should stop here.. :D

boletobindas said...

Hi Chanz
First time I read any blog on this matter. I am male single too. I am saying form my heart “Yes you are right”. In very simple and easy words you describe the single person thoughts. As a single male I can say, whatever you wrote in your post is true for man too. Single male and female can leave alone happily. Sex is not always important. But love is. It’s very common most people fail many times to judge any person. The same is applicable in love. But anyone can only understand his/her feelings or inner voice when he/she is calm.

Renu said...

Movies and novel have popularised the idea that you will know by instinct when you meet your soulmate, but I dont think its that way in life.

To me respect for each other is the most important aspect in a relationship, love and sex can follow.

Chanz said...

@ boletobindas : That was very kind of you to say that.. Well, calmness is an aspect that is more related to the nature. It may be true that calm people find their way out easier than others. Maybe love comes easily to those who are calm. Maybe. I am not sure about that..

Chanz said...

@ Renu : Ofcourse. Respect is the only thing that makes a person love the other one. I think its mutual. Respect comes when there is love and love comes when there is respect. So, both of these must go hand in hand to win the love of others.

You are a married woman who has been living with a man for more than 2 decades at least. Maybe even 3. Just to understand this concept better, I want to ask you if you ever felt that you have not been married in the wrong place. There must have been the first time when you knew realized that your husband is the only one for you. That is what the instinct is. That is what I am talking about. The first time when you feel that there is love (or there could be love) between the two..

Chandrika Shubham said...

Interesting! :)

I liked this line
But now I think that it is our failure to understand what love is.

and the ending two lines. :)

Chanz said...

@ Chandrika : Thanks u sweety.. :)

Anjali Gaur said...

I suddenly realized how important is the "Alarm" thing...Everything would have been so simple if only we had the choice of choosing the "Alarm tone", there would have been no confusion.......

And yes i agree, a good sex life definately need more than just a partner...and life needs just a bit more than everything...

Chanz said...

@ Anjali : ofcourse... We need more than just a partner..

astrosunilnomy said...

from this movie Fool's rush in, i got to hopelessly believe that nature gives signals in your life, also applicable to the partner you are looking for but to my experience these have been not true until now, i.e your term as false alarms, we never know until we assure in the long run, today i may like a girl, nature may give an indication that she is the perfect one for me, i may take the lead & marry her, but long term love commitment is what matters ultimately, but we should take the risk anyway as we can never be sure. nice post, centered around the belief that love is all what we need, i would like to extend it to quote : true love & satisfaction is what we need in long run. yes sex is always an add on to something more prominent , a special connection & matching frequency will go a long way in defining a happy life for both in a marriage !