Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Why do people betray?

I am a regular reader of the column Inner Voice that comes in The Hindustan Times. There have been very few instances when I have disagreed with the fine words of wisdom written in this column. And today was one such day when I couldn't get myself to agree. In today's article, the columnist talked about what makes people betray. Not that I completely disagree with him but there are other reasons which may cause betrayal more than anything else.

In the column, the focus was on three basic reasons which lead to betrayal. They are as follows :

1) Excessive ambition, lust, greed or passion, which when not controlled, makes room for betrayal.
2) The feeling that betrayal is necessary to achieve a greater good. In this case, the betrayal is done for a good cause.
3) When people want to prove how smart they are.

If you want to read the full article, click here.

Okay, apart of the second reason, I totally agree with the columnist. See, betrayal is not a good thing. It is always considered to be a negative circumstance which erupts when a relationship turns bad or it has no future. It can never be done for a good cause. And if at all it is done to bring good to others, then I would call it a compromise and definitely not a betrayal. 

Now, what set me thinking was that there is something else that causes a person to betray and it is because of that reason that the above mentioned reasons hold true. All I mean to say is that there is a key factor which aggravates a person to betray. And that key factor depends on the kind of relationship that two people share. I am a keen believer of the fact that a distance relationship does not work in the long run. No, that is not the end of my statement. A distance relationship does not work in the long run unless, I repeat, unless the love is continually infused into the relationship by the two people in it. The love must not die. And the love will not die if the two people are constantly in touch and are vocal enough about their relationship and their love for each other. Please, lets not talk about how long distance relationships worked in the past when there were no telephones, emails, facebook and chat messengers. Times have changed and so have our preferences and our way of thinking. 

In very simple words, you cannot expect a relationship to work if either of the person feels dejected or does not put in an extra effort which is needed for obvious reasons. It's quite easy to understand actually. When you are together or in the same city, you do not feel his / her absence even if the number of calls and meetings are less. But as the distance increases, the meeting will be reduced considerably which needs to be compensated with the telephone calls or chat messages. And if they are not, the attention which you used to get somehow drops to a bare minimum and eventually you start seeking attention from other sources. That is when betrayal comes in. 

Basically, I wanted to say that the absence of love in a relationship forces a person to betray. Take my word on that. Experience, huh..!! 

Gah..!! I think I am getting too philosophical. 

19 comments:

supriya said...

yes..u r getting too philosophical...but actually philosophically you are correct too...! The second reason mentioned by the columnist is definitely not the definition of "betrayal"..!

Nipun said...

Rightly said chanz..
I agree with u and with the author also..
U are talking about betrayal only in a single sense. Just try n forget about relationships.
Betrayal can be given to any person, even a friend.
As u said, Infusion of Love.. Yes it is the most important thing in any kind of relationship be it long distance or a close relationship. If love is lost everything is lost. Thats why partners tell each other that how much they love each other. Love binds in all cases. Betrayal comes only when love is lost. Just invent a way to make ur partner feel ur love in new ways and see the change...:)

God, i have written a new post..:)

Cheers

Nuts

Anonymous said...

I read your post, and honestly speaking, you are right.

but betrayals are made by opporunists.
They seek better, even if they are married, they seek another partner at office, at distance travel, thruogh various means, that you can anticipate.

but, the core issue is no one can get inside anybodies heart to know the truth untill and unless it come to there senses, by seeing it, hearing it, or any other means,

Betrayers do always betray, and they betray so beautifully that even there shadow can not anticipate it.
I repeat that no one can get into anyones mind.

gestures, body language, looks, and repeated PDA, or telling your partner that how much you love them can be true and untrue as well, betrayers are smarter in that because of they practise it often.

In todays life, anyone spend hardly 6 to 7 hrs with there spouse. so you or no one can guarantee anything.

but yes, betrayals can be not only predicted but confirmed by changes in the activities. like telling spouse that i am on a project going to site 200 kms away.. and actually they are visiting escorts.. or you know what i mean.

people are more smarter than anyone can anticipate.
so, there is no fool proof way to fnd it out.
and if you can not find it out, you can not guarantee its existence.

also, having too much of a suspiciuosness over ones spouse leads to betrayal in cases, because, what he/she is looking for is love, unconditional love. which his mom or dad or anybody else can not give. (Love is not always equal to sex, but married couple do it to keep the strength in there bond alive & grow stronger)

what I believe is one has to start trusting people (verified & accepted people, not everyone)
spend time with them, and truth comes out naturally. No one can hide it forever, and bieng suspicious works worse in that case, people become precautious.

be honest, and natural, keep trust on your spouse,
when s/he finds out that you are the only one who can love them the most as no one else can. they will automatically become more dedicated and will not betray (but that is for the people who clean records and not opportunists)

Betrayers are there, but Love do exist, not anywhere else but on earth only. Its just that you have to find out yours and stick with it.

and id somebody has symptoms in that case... even an animal can be trained w/o using electric hunter, then why not humans..

at the end of the day, everyone needs a home, her/his man/wife, chlidren and happiness, that makes a human complete.

that is all I wanted to say.

thank you for listening.

-Anonymous-

Anonymous said...

I read your post, and honestly speaking, you are right.

but betrayals are made by opporunists.
They seek better, even if they are married, they seek another partner at office, at distance travel, thruogh various means, that you can anticipate.

but, the core issue is no one can get inside anybodies heart to know the truth untill and unless it come to there senses, by seeing it, hearing it, or any other means,

Betrayers do always betray, and they betray so beautifully that even there shadow can not anticipate it.
I repeat that no one can get into anyones mind.

gestures, body language, looks, and repeated PDA, or telling your partner that how much you love them can be true and untrue as well, betrayers are smarter in that because of they practise it often.

In todays life, anyone spend hardly 6 to 7 hrs with there spouse. so you or no one can guarantee anything.

but yes, betrayals can be not only predicted but confirmed by changes in the activities. like telling spouse that i am on a project going to site 200 kms away.. and actually they are visiting escorts.. or you know what i mean.

people are more smarter than anyone can anticipate.
so, there is no fool proof way to fnd it out.
and if you can not find it out, you can not guarantee its existence.

also, having too much of a suspiciuosness over ones spouse leads to betrayal in cases, because, what he/she is looking for is love, unconditional love. which his mom or dad or anybody else can not give. (Love is not always equal to sex, but married couple do it to keep the strength in there bond alive & grow stronger)

what I believe is one has to start trusting people (verified & accepted people, not everyone)
spend time with them, and truth comes out naturally. No one can hide it forever, and bieng suspicious works worse in that case, people become precautious.

be honest, and natural, keep trust on your spouse,
when s/he finds out that you are the only one who can love them the most as no one else can. they will automatically become more dedicated and will not betray (but that is for the people who clean records and not opportunists)

Betrayers are there, but Love do exist, not anywhere else but on earth only. Its just that you have to find out yours and stick with it.

and id somebody has symptoms in that case... even an animal can be trained w/o using electric hunter, then why not humans..

at the end of the day, everyone needs a home, her/his man/wife, chlidren and happiness, that makes a human complete.

that is all I wanted to say.

thank you for listening.

-Anonymous-

Maria said...

Logged in after a long time today and nice read. Well said and true that absence of love leads to betrayal. And im a firm believer that long distance relationships dont work for long. At least not in this age!

Also, i think when expectations are constantly not met within a relationship, people can betray each other or stray. These expectations could be mental, physical, emotional, financial...whatever.
And yes, when the spark of love begins to fade, things get more difficult.

anjali said...

1. What i think is:You are right but the author is not wrong...
Well you see "absence of love" is no doubt reason for betray but it is definately for a good...if the the couple is not able retain their love due to kilometer difference are getting attracted to others and that other understands them better, then its better they forget each other..

2. Betray can also be in greater sense as betray of Country and in this case the author is right as in case of JIHAD when people think they are doing for GREATER GOOD... But the author has definately missed his point as he was writing abt couple betray but ended up giving reasons for something else..

Better I shut up now or else i would be screwing up something....

laddu said...

yup u got philosophical.. well i can’t comment on betrayal on relationships, love, marriage as i have no experienced in any of dese.. wat i would like 2 say is abt da author's 2nd point - "the betrayal is done for a good cause" now dis depends on one’s perspective. in mahabharatha, karna knew he was on the wrong side.. if he would have betrayed durdhoyana, it would have proved authors point as it would have been a betrayal for a good cause.. ok i ask u a question. tom if u come 2 know ur best fd is a terrorist and he trust u so he told u his secret. wat will u do? will u betray him and put him behind bars or will u let him kill innocent ppl ?? and now the thing u said dat betrayal done good is compromise.. it depends on how we look at it.. for karma turning on the right side would have been a compromise for him but for duryodhana, it would have been a betrayal..
well if u put ur fd behind bars, again u r making a compromise in ur fdship but ur fd will feel that u have betrayed him.. wat I m trying 2 say is that I don’t think author is wrong wen he said “the betrayal is done for a good cause” it totally depend on us what we interpret 4m it..

stefy said...

I doubt if anyone really knows the real meaning of 'love'. So betrayal becomes a murky subject

You must also blog sometime in betrayal in friendships, blood relations etc.

Renu said...

I agree with the writer and you too.

when it is done for a good cause, it change the name to compromise.

Sakshi said...

You know I can write a thesis on LDR's.. and for all the obvious reasons.
I somehow don't agree with the inner voice, because, even though we have the white lies and lies for the greater truth which have been propounded by Geeta, they are still lies, they are still betrayals.
What really breaks in any relationship thanks to betrayals is the Trust, and the faith on the other person. And, even if later it is known that it was for a greater good, the initial trust is gone. And, the nagging remains.
What I feel is the most important thing is to be honest with your own self first and then I think you can't really betray anyone else.
Beautifully written though.

Chanz said...

@ Supriya : Righto..

Chanz said...

I think the author wanted to write abt relationship but started talking abt other things as well..

Chanz said...

@ Anonymous : perhaps u r right. I have no idea...

Chanz said...

@ Maria : Thanks for agreeing.. I think its true..

Chanz said...

@ Anjali : well, I think the author started on with the betrayal in a relationship but later talked abt other things as well.. The second point is a little ambiguous..

Chanz said...

@ laddu : u know what.. I loved the way you explained.. Absolutely correct.. and u have a point there..

Chanz said...

@ Stefy : havent really thought abt that.. But I can always give it a try

Chanz said...

@ Renu : :) thanks

Chanz said...

@ sakshi : trust is the foremost thing.. I didnt say that long distance relationships dont work.. bt they cease to exist when u suck love out of it.. frankly, no relationship can work without trust.. no way..