A few days agao, My best friend Harpreet had the following status message on facebook:
"people do change for gud.... u jus need to hav faith...... :) i too believe i will change, and learn tons from my mistakes n never repeat dem, if only i get forgiveness from da one i hurt......"
And this made me think. Do people really need forgiveness to learn from their mistakes and move on. True it is that forgiveness makes you feel light but I think its a bigger challenge to learn from what mistakes you have done in the past without being forgiven. I am not giving my critics about forgivensss being good or bad for the healing heart. All I am putting forward is my view about how you can move ahead without being forgiven. It will be a cakewalk if you are forgiven for your wrong deeds.But as I said, the bigger challenge lies when you (with a pure heart and soul) want to rectify those mistakes and that too without anybody's support.
Forgiveness comes automatically if you mend your ways. What do you think is better. Being forgiven first and then correcting your mistakes or is it that you first gather all the courage that you need to correct those deeds and then being forgiven. Will it be the same if a hurt heart forgives you before you correct yourself. Lets imagine a scenario to undertsand this.
Imagine a girl who betrayes her husband and goes to another guy. Two-time is a more appropriate word than extramarital affair. Neither does she tell her husband about that guy nor does she tell that guy about her husband. And one fine day (well it must not be fine for all the three involved), the girl confesses her wrong deeds in front of her husband and the guy too. The husband forgives her on the condition that she will mend her ways and they live happily ever after.
Now imagine if this girl corrects herself and comes out of the mess on her own self (without her husband's forgiveness) she will emerge as a winner both in her own eyes as well as in her husband's eyes. If, only once, she gathers herself up and accepts her mistakes and puts her heart and soul in correcting those mistakes and proves to her husband that she is out of this, won't it be better for their lives. Wont there be trust (the same trust that was lost).
No, I am not saying that the latter is the correct way but yes it makes the battle difficult and hence makes you stronger.
There is no surety that the girl will never ever indulge in anything of this sort in future. But if she really wants to improve herself then the second case is most appropriate. And that is where comes in, what is called, faith. Yes, faith that the husband must have in her wife that she will improve. The faith which the wife must have in her husband that he will support her even if he doesnt forgive her.
If I were in her place, I wouldn't have asked for forgiveness. Ummm, maybe I would have since that would have been the easier way out. But yes, correcting your mistakes and then asking your forgivness makes more sense to me.
What do you think. Should forgiveness be the first step? Or should it be the last?