Thursday, January 21, 2010

My answer to 'why women are so special?'

@ease, one guy who regularly follows my blog and is a very close friend, perhaps wasn't convinced that women need to be appreciated. He demands me to compare my own self and see if I have these qualities in me.

I took it personally and decided to answer him
For your convenience, I will pick up the exact words from my previous post and agrue.

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

This is true. I hope there is no doubt about that. Yes, I am as educated as my husband would be and might as well earn as much as he does. I am quite capable of earning that much. I too have some dreams, some of which may remain unfulfilled  once I get married.

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

I have never cooked an entire meal and have never even stepped into the kitchen to do the dishes, clean, or anything. I too was always busy studying when I was a kid and even when I grew up. Infact I was never allowed to enter the kitchen like many other girls, not because we would dirty the kitchen or would hurt ourselves, but because our mothers never wanted us to work till the time we get married. My parents have always let me study and even keep up with my extra curricular activities. Those who have seen me grow up, they know that every year I was a part of something exciting be it lawn tennis, painting, reading, swimming, skating, music. Every year I indulged myself in these actuvities basically for three reasons: One, my parents wanted to keep me busy (and away from the kitchen coz somewhere they knew that I would have to do this after I get married just like my mom did), Two, I was allowed to chose the field that interested me the most, and Three, they loved me a lot and wanted me to excel in every field.

Just like any other woman, and men too, I have lived with my parents, my family, my relatives all these years. Never have I lived away from them. And if guys argue that they have lived away from their parents, then I must add that girls do the same. They too go to schools and colleges away from home. They too live in hostels.

Women know that once they get married, they would have to leave their home and their loved ones and go into a house (which is not a home for her the first day she sets her foot in).

Why are there traditions where the (newly married) girl has to cook an entire meal for the entire family in the new house and the new environment. Why is the kitchen left to all to herself. And if she spills the milk out of nervousness or leaves the kitchen dirty because she doesnt know what is kept where, why does she get to hear that she is jinxed. Why does she has to wake up early in the morning to cook breakfast for everybody when the scoundrel she married is fast asleep because sex kept him awake and drained all the energy out of him last night. Didn't it do the same to the girl. No, she got more than that. Pain too. Then where do the demands come from. All by herself, without her family but with her husband whom she expects would take her side, she works without uttering a word against anybody. Wouldn't I do that even if I don't know how to cook. I feel sorry for those parents who have a daughter.  

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

One, who can be late from work once in a while whendeadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

Yes, guys get jealous when the girl has a past. She leaves everything behind to join him and have a future of their own. The guy too has had a past. If he meets his girl friends, then its nothing but when she meets her boy friends she becomes characterless.
 
And yes, she too has deadlines to meet. She too gets loaded with work. She gets the same weekly off as you do. And I too would get that.  

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

She works day and night to make the relationship work but she can't do it all alone. She needs you. The suport, the love, the trust. She doesn't know anybody in the new house except you and still wants to nake them smile coz they are related to you. All she wants is you to be there right beside her and to hold her hand and take her out of the mess which she might put herself into coz she just entered a new environment.

I dont say that all men are the same and none of them do anything for their wives. No, thats not true. Hell, no. I am happy to be born at the time I was born. I see men doing a lot for their wives. If I don't know how to cook, that does not mean that I will not be a good wife nor does it mean that I cannot keep up with the relationship.

There is another thing that @ease pointed out. He feels that daughters get more attention and care than sons do. And I agree with him. But the answer to this question is so related to what daughters have to go through. The parents know that their daughter would leave them once they have attained marriageable age. So they want to shower all their love and care for the 25 years that they get with their daughters in contrast to the lump sum 40 years that they get with their sons. Yes, there is a difference.

29 comments:

@ease said...

aaaghhhh...

supriya said...

he he..chanz..that was bang on..!!! and as it can be seen...@ease is left with nothing else than "aaaghhhh..."

good work..keep it up..!!

Nipun said...

thats the spirit chanz!
I again bow in front of thee.

U are getting better day by day.

Cheers

Nuts

p.s. Never challenge me...:)

@ease said...

@ chanz: bacchu go n learn some cookign skills. writing blogs wont keep ur husband happy...for long. but trust me, if u cook well... u can win hearts.

bondgal_rulz said...

@ Ease: Daughters don't "GET" more attention, care and love, they EARN it by their small but thoughtful deeds.

@ Chanz - Great write up. :)

Cheers

bondgal_rulz said...

And yeah, I'm not too sure if a person whose happiness depends more on his wife's culinary skills than the bond that he shares with her would be able to keep his wife happy. :|

Lily Johnson said...

Very very well said!Oh it just got to me. I believe every word girl. We should be appreciated much more!
I loved this post just like Nancy (f8hasit)said

The Bald Guy said...

Very true Chanz. Always good to spread awareness.

:)

Shivani said...

@Chandni
Way to go sweetheart.. bole to..majaa aavi gayo..

@ease
:-P Lol..

Renu said...

good post!I wouldnt talk about me, because then all youngsters will say..aapka time different tha:)
But my daughter is well educated, earns as much as her husband, and I am not unhappy but proud to have a daughter who has assimilitated herself well into a new family, loves her scoundrel:), and learnt cooking like a pro, whereas I never ever even let her light the gas even.

Its not about cooking, its about caring..caring for the man you marry and caring for his family...and since she does that, she gets back plenty of love, and affection from her inlaws.

Chanz said...

@ @Ease: u should have said somethng else instead of just "aaaaggghh"..

Wella ctaually, i dont want to make that a habit coz if i cook for my husband everyday then it would lose its importance and hence its charm... :P

Chanz said...

@ Supriya : Thanks weety... :)

Chanz said...

@ Nipun : Heeeeee... thanks... U better not challenge me.. :P

Chanz said...

@ Lily : Thanks girl.. It feels great to be a women even when I know that I might have to suffer later...

Punia said...

Abey Caddy tu senti nah ho gayi bey jayada... :-D
Chill Dude...

Chanz said...

@ Ramit : yeah. I know... :)And i am enjoying every moment of it.. :)

Chanz said...

@ Shivani : Heeeeeeee....

Chanz said...

@ renu : You are lucky that your daughter is so well settled. Yes, times have changed. In your time women dint complain but now we do since we know that we are equally capable as these men... My mom doesnt complain but I will If my husband wouldnt support me...

Chanz said...

@ Punia : hahaa... Haan @ease ne kar diya mujhe senti... :P

@ease said...

u gals complain a lot. go n ask your mom if she complained ever..??
and your dad too..??

i m sure they both are equally qualified as u mentioned and are capable of doing all those things what u do now... infact even more capable (you don knw cooking :P)

then why do the gals of your age have to hake som much of hue n cry... for evrythng.thats not fair...

men never complain for the past of a gal, unless its really bad, likewise the gals too shud nt complain, if the guy has past.

Chanz said...

Oh please @ease. My mom didnt know cooking till the day she got married. She learnt it all by herself. My dad supported her and 'touchwood' that he still does it.

If this is what you have to say then why are women scared of getting married. I am and I know hell lot of girls who are. I'll tell you why. Because in the past men have never appreciated women. Thats what we are afraid of now. We dont want to live the life which our ancestors did. And thats why we complain. Women folks were never vocal about their feelings in the past. But now we are since we now know that men do not understand how we feel when we are not appreciated..

And please, I publically go against your statement that yes guys have a problem with the girl's past. They call her names even if she had even a single boyfriend in the past. They want her to be pure and a virgin but god know how many women would he have slept with. This is the case most seen in the case of aranged marriages.. Dont say that men have no problem with that.

@ease said...

are you trying to defend that girls should be free to sleep with as many as boys as they want..??

aghast..

Chanz said...

no @ease. Thats not what I meant to say. It is wrong on their part. Note here, it is wrong on 'both' their parts if they do that. Even men shouldnt be allowed that. But if they do then women are supposed to understand their hunger for girls and ignore it. Is that right..

@ease said...

u r too confused... u need a break gal.
go to the himalayas, spend some time in peace.

Chanz said...

No I am not confused. I am sick of listening to what men have to say about women. And ofcourse expecting women to be their servants. I dont want to live the life of a servant.

Amrit said...

Landed here via Ramit's Blog. Nice Post. I want to write a lot about this but may be a separate post later.

To Everyone, Cooking is really a stress buster. Try it :)

Nipun said...

u have been tagged chanz!!
view my blog..

Chanz said...

@ Amrit : Welcome to my blog.. :)

we have had a lot of fighting about cooking... do let us know when you write about it.. :P we will surely give some inputs.. :)

Chanz said...

@ Nipun : ooooooooooooo... thats lovely... I am sooo happy... :) thanks dude. :)