Friday, December 24, 2010

Handsomely Appreciated

Okay, I really was not in the mood to write today but there was something really sweet waiting for me on Sakshi's blog. Yes, you guessed it right. An award. And lemme just tell you that it wasn't 'just' an award randomly passed on to all those who are blog-rolled. It was more of an appreciation. And I love to be appreciated. If an appreciation is more like what Sakshi wrote about me, then it is sure to set me flying. Her appreciated did wonders to the jumbo-sized lazy n tired soul like me. It made me smile. So, I am going to flash my million dollar smile right here, right now to all you wonderful people.


So, Sakshi gave this award to me which is called the Kreativ Blogger Award. It is nice to be called Kreativ, but it is nicer to be called a "Word Weaver". Let me leave in a little surprise. Why don't you guys go check out the award yourself. She has written quite something in my appreciation. Click here and you'll be taken to the award function. And Sakshi, I cannot thank you more. For a writer, it is a pleasure to be called by that name. Thank you, that is all I can say.

After getting this award, I was thinking that I should write fiction more often. What do you people think?

PS: I love to be appreciated, so comment accordingly. :D

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Is it time to make resolutions yet?

The new year is almost round the corner. And did I realize that it is time to make resolutions. Like everybody else, I too have been making numerable resolutions every December and all of them are tossed into the bin every January. Yeah, yeah, loosing weight tops the charts every year but it is the only resolutions that gets tossed away faster than the others. Gladly, I am not the only one sinking in the ocean, year by year. Did I just say, Sinking? Right. Obviously, the speed at which I have been bloating, my weight would soon defy all laws relating to the displacement of water and buoyancy. Poor Archimedes. If only he was alive, he would definitely have come up with some other principle.

Well, I better not stretch this discussion since it may aggravate a lot of my family members and close friends who keep pestering me about my weight. You know, I really don't want to spoil anyone's mood at this time of the year. Anyway, the point I want to make is that I have come up with a different and a more serious resolution for the next year. Nope, I am not going to reveal the secret so soon. This resolution requires a lot of introspection, and more than that, it requires my own patience. Don't be surprised, I told you that it is a serious resolution.

By the way, did anybody realize that I haven't posted anything on my blog since the past one month. Yeah, it has been 30 days now. I know, none of you missed me. But I missed a lot of people from here. Because of my hectic schedule, I hardly log in these days. But I really did miss you. Yeah, you. I am sorry for not reading posts as I often as I used to.

I really think my grey cells have 'literally' turned grey. I had a lot to tell you, but now I cannot even think of a single event which happened in the past one month. Blame my busy schedule, but there isn't a single thing that I can think of. *Sigh*

All those who have been reading this post, must have realized by now that there wasn't anything remarkably good, or even bad, about this. Except the resolution, ofcourse.

But, I am still pondering over the question, "Is it time to make resolutions yet?"

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A shocking video

One of my friends had shared this video on facebook. I'd rather let you guys watch this video without saying a word more. 

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

It is not just about PMS

Disclaimer: All that you read here is merely based on a thought. I wouldn't say that it is fictitious. I am sure that it would have happened to a lot of people. Only, nothing of this sort happened to me or anyone I know, in the recent past. It is my own thought which originated from a healthy discussion in the office. 

A thought struck me today. I found it to be somewhat weird. It made me confused and I became a little biased towards things which I strongly feel about. I am sure it happens to you too. Well, actually I know that it happens to almost everybody but I am on the quest to find out 'WHY' it happens.

Today, our gang of girls in the office were discussing about premenstrual stress and it's effects on women. This is not my topic of discussion and I have absolutely no queries regarding this. But, it is the behaviour of women and their reactions towards other women, which is unclear to me. Let me explain with an example. A woman is suffering from premenstrual stress. She tells other women about it, who become sympathetic towards her. They understand her pain and help her in every possible way to make her feel comfortable and lessen the burden from her shoulders. More so, if this woman has a lady boss above her, she too would do something about it even if it is a small gesture of showing concern. Infact, if you ask my view point, I too would help any woman even if I do not share good terms with her.

But if the same woman is suffering from a chronic disease like Bronchitis or maybe even Cervical pain, there will be very few people, even women who wouldn't get up to show a bit of concern. In this case, nobody will lessen the burden even if she is feeling breathless because of an asthma attack. They would just sit back as if it were a routine proceeding. They would rather expect her to use an inhaler and get back to her senses within seconds. If I have to compare premenstrual stress with Asthma, I would rate Asthma to be a disease which is more uncomfortable and intolerable than PMS.

I mean, seriously. Okay, let me not revolve my discussions around women. Let me talk about human beings, in general. Men also suffer from diseases like Asthma. Okay, let me get back and talk about myself. I suffer from severe migraine. I know how it feels when people tell me to stop enacting a headache and get beck to work. The intensity of pain that I get during a migraine is much more than any pain that I have experienced till date. It is not amusing when people make fun of my headache by saying that I get it when I am overburdened. Come on, people. Migraine is so uncomfortable that a person cannot even nod his/her head. Similarly, during an asthma attack, the person feels breatheless, How do you expect them to work when they are not even able to breathe properly.

The simplest of reason which I understand is that people relate to things and situations which they have either seen or strongly feel about. People with asthma would easily relate with those who suffer from it. I would better understand the situation of a person suffering from migraine rather than a person who is suffering from Asthma. However, every woman understand the premenstrual stress irrelevant of the fact that she gets it or not. Infact, even men understand the pain that it causes and give every woman a benefit of doubt in this regard.

What I do not understand is that where does the sympathy go when we suffer from every other disease except PMS. I do not understand why does the boss force his/her employees to work overtime even in the case of breathlessness or a chronic headache. I really wish to find an answer to these question. What drives the behaviour of people in such cases? I don't know if such cases happen with men too. I mean, men understanding the problems that only men face. Tell me what you guys think. Or if you have a similar situation to share, then let me know. Or if you know the answers to my questions.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Its time to get back to work

Festival season always makes me oh-so-bubbly-and-cheerful. It is all about meeting family and friends, exchanging gifts(did I say that I love this part), eating all the fatty stuff and not being bothered about gaining weight, cleaning all those almirahs that you haven't touched in a while, and ofcourse spending more time on the roads rather than lazing around at home. If you are from Delhi and you were out on the streets driving bumper to bumper through the Diwali traffic, then you know exactly what I mean.

And now when the festive season is over, I can only wait for it to return next year. I wonder why does the time fly by so soon. It seems that it was just yesterday that I had started my preparations for Diwali. But the reality is that it is time to get back to the office. Time has come for my creative and artistic skills to hibernate. Wake them up when October ends next year. Till den, *yawn*...!!!

But I have to tell you what I did this season. Yeah, Yeah.. I know, I am boasting but there were not many people around to appreciate the hard work that I had put in. So, automatically, the focus shifts on you guys. Okay, I painted the diyas. And I made the rangoli too. I must show them to you.


I know I made the dull and simple diyas look colourful and bright. *blush blush*



 A more closer look at them. Did you like them?


Rangoli, a colourful pattern. 


Rangoli - Ganeshji


It took me four long hours to make the above Rangolis. The entire time, I was sitting on my knees making the rangoli.You know what, if there aren't many people appreciating the hard work that you have put in, the enthusiasm really goes down. I wouldn't have bothered much about the cramps in my back and my legs if the people had appreciated me. Forget about appreciating, some people did not even have the courtesy to mind their feet while I was making the rangoli. They simply stepped on the rangoli. If you look more closely at the rangoli above, you'll see some lumps forming in the corner. That is exctly the place where I had to redo the work because a man, yeah, "a 40 year old man" stepped on it, not once but twice. Gosh, and then they expect me to control my anger. Yeah, right..!!

My mom is so fond of my rangoli that she keeps it for two-three days. But this year somebody spoilt it when we woke up the next morning. And I could see that it was done deliberately. I wish I had taken a picture of the spoilt rangoli. If I had known who did that, I would have kicked that person in the face. I really wanted to cry. I think, it is always better to make long lasting rangolis, just like the ones that I made last Diwali.

But there isn't any point in crying nor in letting the anger take control of me. So,  let me just get over it. nd look I have taken out my frustration out here. And I am already feeling so much better. I just hope that the cramps go away and the pain subsides soon. 

I am so sleep deprived. I have no idea how will I get myself out of the bed tomorrow morning. Aaahh..!! Monday morning blues have returned.

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Epitome Of Anger

Fuming with rage, She took that white piece of paper in her hand and sprung out of the bed. She stamping her feet angrily on the stairs as she climbed up and promised herself that she would never talk to him again. Not after what he did. Her mother had always taught her that forgiveness comes from an open heart, with no conditions attached. All these years, Amira had followed the path of forgiveness, a disrupted road it was yet it brought a sense of inner peace to her. It always did. She had forgiven him even on occasions she wasn't expected to be liberal. But today it was different. She gave a dirty look to the closed door behind which he was probably taking the last drag of his Marlboro. She imagined him sitting lazily on his rust-coloured bean bag wearing nothing but his favourite jockey boxers. And that aggravated her more. He had to learn to let go of his bachelorhood soon. Very soon. His habits always blew her up but she had always taken control of her anger. And today, his habits bothered her more than they ever did.

Sometimes, forgiveness doesn't work. You need to be vocal about your partner's faults, sit back and discuss them one at a time. Ignoring them may work for a few months, or a few years if both of you share a compromising nature. But it doesn't work that way in the long run. Amira was a little different. Not once in these 11 years that they had spent together, had she uttered a word against him. Whenever she found herself out of control, she would simply lock herself in her room and weep. But not a word against him or even his habits. 11 years, she had lived with him, not in the same house, but she had been totally committed to him.And since the past 1 year they had been sharing the same house. And it wasn't just Amira who showered her love onto Daksh. He too loved her. With all his might. Yes, a man loves a woman with his might. His physical strength, his vigour and his passion, together they make him strong enough to stand up to her demands. It is with his might that he becomes capable of looking after her. And so was Daksh, who loved Amira with all his might.

But there has to be a limit. A saturation point. Everybody reaches a saturation point at some time or the other, beyond which they refuse to take no more. Amira's life resembled a Pepsi bottle. All through her life she had ignored every issue that had bothered her. It got bottled up inside her. It isn't that she did not get a chance to speak up, she did get it. But she chose to stay mum. But when you open a Pepsi bottle after shaking it left, right and centre, all that's inside rushes out with all its might. A woman's might. An infuriated might. Shaken by Daksh's carelesslenss, Amira could no longer control her anger. She wanted to barge inside. There was no looking back. She had decided to call off the wedding. And that thought made her clench her fist, almost crushing the white paper, the receipt in her hand. She raised her arm and brought it close to her eyes. Twenty two lakh rupees, it screamed at her. Though the description wasn't readable but she could make out that it was a diamond necklace. She knew that Daksh couldn't afford that necklace. She also knew that his mother wouldn't have paid for that necklace or Amira would have known. But she had neither seen such a necklace nor had heard anybody talking about buying one. The date on the receipt said that it was bought 7 months ago. Living in the same house, sharing the same almirahs, the same lockers in the bank, she had not seen any necklace which was this expensive. If she didn't know about that piece of jewellery, it simply meant that Daksh had gifted it to some other woman just like he had gifted that ring to Swati, his friend from college. She had not questioned him then. She didn't know where did he get that money from. She didn't know how good a friend she was to him. She didn't know if he was fooling around with her. She simply trusted him. She knew that he loved her. She had just remained silent.

Unable to resist, she turned the knob unsure of what words would come out from her. She entered. It all looked different. Daksh wasn't sitting lazily on his bean bag. There was no cigarette smell in the air. He wasn't in his boxer shorts. His usually unkempt bed was carefully made. Clothes which were always strewn all over the place, were perhaps resting neatly in his almirah. Shoes, carefully lined up under the bed. And right in the middle there was Daksh, sitting on his bed. He was busy scribbling something. He didn't see Amira enter the room. Confused, Amira walked towards him. He looked up. Surprised to see her inside, he quickly grasped the red box lying on the bed and before he could realise what he was doing he hid it behind himself. But before Amira could say anything, he brought the box in front, looked straight in her eye and said, "Amira, look here." He took a deep breathe and said "This box contains all the money that I had saved in these years. This box is an account of all the hardwork that I have put in. Kept in this box are all those days which I had spent away from you, working late in the office. All those gifts that I had always wanted to buy for you but I didn't that time, they are all in this box. Before we get married, I want to return all that was meant for you." Saying this, he handed her the box and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Amira did not utter a word. All through her life she had followed the path of forgiveness. Just once, she wished to deviate from that path. Thankfully, she didn't or else her life would have ended up in a mess. Amira loosened her grip and let the receipt fall down. Numb from shock, she just managed to hug him.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Life comes in different shapes and sizes

A long time ago, not too far away, in the mountains there lived a girl. Life was difficult and luck didn't really care to be with her family. So, bread didn't come easily to them and butter was a thing they had never heard of. However, like those close knit families, they lived together and were happy. Well, the last word, the adjective that I used to describe their life has never been analogous to the reality, more so, it was untrue. Meager flow of money came from the small bead shop that Sulekha worked in. Yes, her name was Sulekha but people in that small village called her Dolly. The name, Sulekha, had been long forgotten. Dolly, it was now. She had no idea what that name meant but she knew where it had come from. 3 months before she was due to be born, abba had gone to buy beads from the city. Someone had told him that he would get cheaper bead there but he had been fooled. However, while he was returning, he heard the name Dolly, and decided that if he had a daughter he would call her by that name. Likewise, Dolly wished her kids to have English names too, though she was 15 years old and unmarried. Maybe, she will one day.

So, Dolly was her name. Totally opposite to her name's meaning, she was not good looking and nowhere resembled a doll. Those who live in the mountains are known to be somewhat fair. And so were the inhabitants of Gauchar, the small village where Dolly lived in. But her skin was pale and dark. People would laugh at her ugliness. Teasings continued from morning till night. They stopped only when everybody retired into their beds. That was the only time when she was at peace. The only time when she could see something else that was darker than her. And she felt relieved.

It was November. For the inhabitants for Gauchar, November would always bring a smile onto their otherwise sad faces. It was the time for the annual mela of Gauchar. Traders from northern India came to their small village. It was a time to rejoice for Dolly as money wouldn't be a problem. She knew she would manage to earn atleast that much which would last for the next 6 months. Every year she would eagerly wait for November to come. Though she bought inexpensive beads and sold them the year round, she would save the best ones for the mela. Infact, for this event, she crafted each bead with great detail. Her father started earning when he found some beads lying near bridge perhaps abandoned by thieves. He made an income out of those and hence got into this field. When he became too old to travel, his daughter took over. Dolly, at once, fell in love with the beads. Earlier she would travel down the hill to buy these tiny colourful round and square pieces. Now she made them on her own. Every single day.

And tomorrow was the first day of the mela, her chance to sell those beads to the wives of those wealthy traders and the travellers. This year she had spent all her savings in crafting new type of beads which she had come across on one of her visits to the city. Beads in different shapes and sizes were her speciality. But this time she had developed beads for adorning the hair. She had hoped that it would sell. And very soon she would have money to buy that green saree for amma and that stark white kurta for abba. Away from all the hustle bustle and from the ongoing sarcastic comments about her skin, she quietly lay on the bed. She glanced at the the table covered with beads. Though she was sleepy, she did not want to sleep. She joyfully imagined travellers buying her beads. Smiling, she imagined every single day of the mela and how happy it would make her. She imagined her mother in that saree and her father in that kurta. They looked amazing together. She made a mental note to call the camera wala bhaiya and ask him to take a picture of them together. She did not know how much it would cost but she would pay him. Dolly didn't know when she had fallen asleep and all that she had seen was just a dream. She never woke up. She never saw the tomorrow she had been eagerly waiting for. There were no travellers. There were no traders. There was no fun. But there were beads still lying on the table.

Really, luck didn't care to be with her family.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Filling in

Okay..!! This has been the longest ever separation period that me and my oh-so-lovely blog have gone through. Needless to say, I terribly missed it. I won't say that I have been busy. Rather, I have been lazy. A little off the track that I have been of late, I simply wasn't in the mood (nor had the energy) to wake up till late at night, the only time i get to spend with my blog. Hence, the long withdrawal had set in.

For some reasons, I have been abstaining myself from using "too much" internet. Every time something happened in my life, I felt the urge to put it up on this space. That is when I realized how attached I had become with people from the virtual world. I think I am totally addicted to my blog. I cannot easily explain the extent of my obsession with this blog and my readers, but let me give you an example. In every situation (atleast those, about which I would have written here), I found myself contemplating the reviews and comments that my readers would have given. Every time, my mind raced forward to foresee who would have agreed and who would have disagreed with me. I know I would be making a very heavy statement if I say that in situations where I was caught unguarded, I thought about my readers and their reactions rather than my own friends. A lot of my friends whom I have known since childhood would probably read this post and I completely understand the shocked looks that I am going to get after this. But I am not saying this just for the heck of it. I totally totally mean it. And I can explain. There have been times (both good and bad) when I have received reactions (again, both good and bad) from people whom I have known only through blogosphere. And people whom I have known personally have secretly read my blog and remained neutral when I really wanted them to give me some words of wisdom. As a result, I have grown more attached to those whom I do not know. Ironic, isn't it?

 I had wanted to write a post a week back, precisely after returning from a trip to Vaishno Devi. It was my first visit and I had been excited to write not only about the 14 km walk to the temple but also about my horse ride. It was far more exciting than anything else that I have encountered so far. Really..!! I so wish I had learnt to ride a horse when there used to be training sessions way back in school. Soon, I will write a separate post about my horse ride.

So much has happened in the past 3 weeks. I have a long list of things to talk about. I have a lot of time so we can get back to it later. There are more important things to talk about. Obviously, I cannot get away without commenting on the commonwealth games which ended yesterday. I have not come across a single blog which talked about the success of the XIX commonwealth games. The games had got truck loads of negative publicity. Such was the intensity, a lot of nations withdrew themselves from participating in these games. Every single person mouthed bad words at the organizing committee. I too did that. I had no faith in them and I presumed that the commonwealth games wouldn't even happen. And if at all they did, it would be big blow on our face. Fortunately, contrary to our presumptions, commonwealth games were a huge success. Delhi has never looked better than what it did in the past 2 weeks. Clean, green and spectacular. And what was Dilliwalas take on lane-driving..?? You bet, it was one of the most beautiful gesture I have ever seen. Extreme levels of co-operation imbibed a sense of inspiration in one and all. It was a pleasure to be a part of Delhi. Out of all the blogs that I had read before the starting of the games, it was only Sakshi who seemed to be a bit positive about the whole event. During the games, I kept wondering where did this girl get all the positivity from. She was right in her way. I adore that. I have no idea what will happen to Kalmadi once the probing starts but I guess we must thank him for giving us all a wonderful experience and  making the games a success.

By the way, Suresh Kalmadi was a pilot with the Indian Air Force. Knowing this fact, I am not going to say a single word against this man anymore. You know, I have a soft corner for the Indian Air Force people. :D

Friday, September 24, 2010

The day of forgiveness

Every culture and every religion has given us innumerable reasons to celebrate and make merry. The list is not just limited to the festivals but also includes those special days like father's day, mother's day and world smile day which are majorly dedicated to a person, a group of persons in your life or merely a reason. I don't know how it is in other countries, but I have seen Indians celebrating almost every such day in a big fashion. Greeting cards are sold in abundance. It gives me immense pleasure when I see everybody accepting every other person's culture and making a move towards making it a part of their own lifestyle. Valentines day (infact the entire week) is celebrated with great zeal and passion. Though valentines day has been derived from the western culture, the Indians, during that time, paint the whole town red; the colour of love fills up every nook and corner. This year, I got a lot of SMSs  and emails on women's day. They made me feel special even though I belong to a country where Sati and female infanticide was most prevalent. 

Did you know, today, every member of the Jain community is celebrating what is known as the Kshamavani Diwas. On this day, all the Jains approach every other individual and ask for Kshama or forgiveness. They beg pardon of their mistakes and faults which were committed by them knowingly or unknowingly. They confess and ask for forgiveness. It is a day when Jains keep nothing against anybody and forgive every other individual for their mistakes. They say, forgiveness is the ultimate road to salvation. Those who forgive are the strongest people on this earth. It is very easy to get angry and shout at others but it takes a real strong heart to forgive. It is not easy to forget what happened in the past and start afresh. We, human beings, are very emotional. We do not forget the wrong-doings of others. Imagine yourself waking up one morning and forgiving every person who has ever hurt you, intentionally or unintentionally. Doesn't happen, isn't it? You'd think about it a hundred times before approaching those people and apologizing. 

Forgiveness is the greatest act of kindness. A person can be kind only if they have carry no negative thoughts in their mind. Would you be kind to a person whom you do not like? I don't think it is possible. To take out all kinds of negative thoughts, you need to control your anger. Negative thoughts give birth to anger. Anger can be discarded only if you have a clear mind, a mind that thinks about more than just revenge. And revenge can be altered only if you forgive. So, basically it is the anger which needs to be thrown out of our lives. 

I read somewhere, "A forgiver sleeps soundly and peacefully; but the night of an unforgiving person passes in mental tension and uneasiness. It seems as if his bed was strewn with thorns." If you ask me, I totally agree. Look into your own lives. Try to recall a day when you were angry at someone. Do you remember getting those wrinkles on your forehead, that frown which made you feel miserable. Restless sleep and uneasiness took the better of you. Didn't you spend time thinking about the whole issue? Maybe you even felt suicidal. Now imagine how your day would have passed, had you forgiven that person. Sweet, isn't it? That is the point I want to make. 

I am not sure whether you have ever heard of Kshamavani Diwas. I don't know if such a day is celebrated in other parts of the world or not. Every year I apologize and ask for forgiveness from all the Jains that I know of. When I was a kid, I used to get embarrassed. When I grew up, I realised that there was nothing to be embarrassed. It is a good deed and I must do it with a pure heart. And this year, I thought I would be doing a greater deed if I share it with the rest of the world. 

With folded hands, I apologize for all my mistakes. I am sorry if I had ever hurt you in any way. I beg for forgiveness. 


Thursday, September 23, 2010

3x7 tag

I had always heard of 24x7.And this 3x7 is something new and different. And I love things that are different from the usual. Look at me, this is tag time and I have all the nonsensical things going on in my mind. I feel like blabbering because I am super-happy today. I wish I could stretch my arms, stand up on my toes and touch the sky. It feels really good when a burden falls off your shoulders and you break free. Today was one such day. 


Now, because I am very happy, I decided to take this tag. Chitz tagged me sometime ago. Did I tell you that she wrote on her blog that I am one of her favourite bloggers? Did I..?? I just did. Yay..!! 





- Tag as many u want!
- Link their pages in your tag post
- Post a message / leave a comment screaming that they r tagged
- Mention the person who tagged you in your tag post, and link their blog.
- Write 3 X 7 things about yourself ..



Let me choose the order in which I want to take up the rules. 


Here goes the tag 3x7:



3 places i would pack my travel bag for

If you ask me then I just have one place in my mind right now. And that is Mumbai. Guys, please don't roll your eyes. I know the place is filled with filth but my friends talk about it so often that I have grown to love it. Actually, I always did love it. I have some fond memories of Mumbai. Every year I used to spend my summer vacations there. I didn't realize that Mumbai would fall in the list of places I would want to go to. I can almost hear Mumbai calling out to me. 
And if I have to give two more names then it'll be some place which is calmer than the metropolitans. With lots of greenery and ofcourse which is breathtakingly beautiful. It'll just be a vacation. If you know such a place then you can tell me.
3 On-Screen characters i love to watch

1. Jim Carrey (His laugh makes me laugh)
2. Hrithik Roshan (I have always loved him)
3. Julia Robberts (I cannot name a single movie of hers which I din't like)


3 moods that describes me the best

I am a hardcore moody person. It doesn't take time for me to switch between the moods. One moment I'll be jumping around and the next moment you'll find me sulking. However, if I have to list the 3 moods (Gosh, its going to be difficult), lemme think and write. Umm...
1. Cheerful. People say that I resemble a joker, not just in looks but in character too. I am always that bubbly chulbuli girl who is completely clumsy. You'll always find me running around here and there making stupid mistakes. 
2. Angry. I am not short-tempered but I can get extremely angry if things don't go my way. I am a spoilt brat and I love when people pamper me. So if you don't want me to get angry at you, pamper me. 
3. I-don't-care mood. I wish I could do away with that. But I can't. I am helpless. 




3 things i always think of doing on a weekend... but never did.. :)

Sleep. Yawn.

3 things from my childhood that i cant forget

As I said, I was always a joker, a known comedian in the family. I have a lot of memories from my childhood. Let us skip this one or else the next question would never come. 


3 things i wud never say no to

1. Chocolates
2. Pizza
2. Flowers (No roses for me, I have other preferences. Please consult me before buying one)

3 things i cant live without

1. An internet connection (God, I feel handicap without it)
2. My phone with ample balance in it. 
3. My night clothes (I don't mind wearing them even when I go out. If only I didn't have to think about impressing the guys)

And I tag Shivani, Renu, Supriya, Shalini, Ramit, Nipun, Mehak, Anjali and Sakshi.

A special mention of Cathy. I am tagging you. Hope it brings you back in form.

I am tagging only a few people so that those who have been tagged can pass on the tag to the common bloggers. 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Am I thinking too much..??




Delhi has had torrential rains this season. It is quite unusual for a place like the national capital, a land locked city, to have such rains in the month of September. The monsoons, here, have always been confined to July and August (yay, my birth month falls in the monsoon season). I don't really know whether to take this year's monsoon to be a curse or a boon. On one hand, the rain is making the constructions for commonwealth games turn into a disaster with roads clogged more than ever. On the other hand, the kharif crops are expected to be better than what they have ever been(pardon the little knowledge I have on this topic; I just read it in the newspaper today). Since these two aspects aren't directly related to me so let me be biased. I immensely love this season. All I want to do is relax. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I want to sit back and simply watch the rain drops as they fall. It isn't a very good idea to go out in this rain so I'd rather watch it from a distance. That is the beauty of this season. The trees and the leaves look so fresh and green; the view outside is so breath taking that you can enjoy it even from your balcony. How I wish these monsoons could just go on and on. *Sigh*

Maybe there is something in the air that I have suddenly become quieter than I was. These days, all I do is gaze at the window or even the completely-dull-blank-ceiling. Don't worry, there is nothing wrong with me. It’s just that I spend my time thinking. Sometimes, completely aimless thought cross my mind and I not only build castles in the air but also elephants, tigers and rhinos. And you know what; it is quite relieving at times. It makes me feel that I am at peace. No wonder, I am loving the rains so much even though everybody else if getting irritated with it. 

Anyway, it is time that I come out of this dream. The monsoons are going to end soon. Not that I want them to end but I want the winters to come too. Okay, I really think I am loosing it now. Not a word more about the rain or even the winter season. Let us change the topic right away. 

A few days back, I attended a workshop in my nephew's school. Yeah, kindergarten schools also organize workshops for parents. It was quite an interactive session wherein parents are taught how to teach their little ones. And I must tell you that the system of education has completely changed since our times. Modern day schools have adopted the American education system (as they claim). Kindergarten kids no longer need to carry books and pencils to school. Infact, there are not even taught how to write. Writing comes in much later. The memory that I have of kindergarten a involved so much writing. The first thing I learned to write was the capital letters of the English alphabets. The system is so much different. In the workshop, the teachers told us that the kids wouldn't be taught capital letters for the next two years. I was a little aghast at that because it seems to be quite late for a child to learn their letters in standard II. But the logic that they gave made sense. The children will be taught to write the small letters (cursive writing) first. Capital letters would follow once they are comfortable with the small ones. The reason why they have adopted this new system is because we use small letters more often while writing. Capital letters are used only in the beginning of a sentence or in writing proper nouns. That comprises of just 2 percent of all that we write. Doesn’t it look astonishing that the kids, nowadays, are learning a totally different concept? Well, frankly, more than the children, it is the parents who need to be taught the new system. We really need to un-learn what we learnt as kids. That’s exactly how we will teach our kids. Obviously, you don’t want your kids to get confused between what they teach at school and what their parents teach at home.

I am skeptical about what the education system would be, 10 years from now, when it is time for my kids to go to school. Yeah, I know, I know. I am still unmarried but I couldn't help but think about of what I would have to face after 10 years. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am getting trained. 

Friday, September 17, 2010

Its just the beginning


Friday, 8:32 AM

An abrupt ending to a weird dream woke me up. I don't really dream too often but weird proceedings in a dream sometimes leave you shocked. Not that it was a terrifying dream but I dreamed about something which is not going to happen. Atleast not in the near future. A little perplexed that it made me, I tried to get forget about it. Still lying on the bed, I picked up my phone and saw the time. It was already 8:25 and I had to hurry up but I felt too lazy to get up. I connected to the internet on my phone and I checked my mails (I do that every morning and now it has become a routine). 3 spam mails were all I had received. Reluctant I was to get out from the comforts of my bed; I had to force myself out. I was already late for the office. I decided to get ready and ponder about the dream later.

Friday, 9:48 AM

I was all ready to go to the office but the breakfast wasn’t ready yet.  To kill time, I turned on my laptop and logged in. With my gmail account open in one tab and facebook in the other, I sat there waiting for the page to load. I don’t understand why the internet is so slow in India. My brother is USA tells me that there it takes less than one-fourth the time to load a page. Now that’s incredibly fast compared to our lousy connections here. Anyway, we can talk about the pathetically slow speed of the internet later. I have more interesting things to talk about than just this. Well, something happened exactly at the moment I logged on. That very moment I received an email. Obviously I wouldn’t tell you what was there in that email but it did make me smile. And it was a perfect start to a not so perfect morning.

You know, sometimes unexpected things happen at the times you least expect them (yeah least expect them.. err.. didn’t I just say that it was unexpected). I am sure the person who had sent me the mail didn’t even realize that his small gesture would bring that broad a smile on my face. Life is quite unpredictable. At times it makes us cry so much that you wish to end it. And sometimes, it gives us so much happiness that you wish you could live longer. Everybody gets their share of joys and sorrows. Everybody..!! God can never be unkind to any one person nor will he be biased in showering his blessing on us. If you really think that he has been unkind to you, wait for the time when you will be his beloved child. And if he really is unkind to you then perhaps that is his way of correcting your mistakes. Okay, I really think that all this gyaan is not needed at this time. The only point I wanted to make here is that it feels good when ‘pleasant’ unexpected things happen to you. That is when you really understand the importance of those moments in your life. I did because I love surprises..!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Dabangg it is..!!

I saw Dabangg yesterday and it got me thinking. Yeah, a movie that was as pointless as this one made me think. Frankly, I am not much of a Salman Khan fan; I have never been one and I find him to be a useless dancer who just goes overboard in his acting. I know, one of my friend from graduation days would kill me on reading this. She has made innumerable plans of getting married to him (also, the number of children she would have with him has been pre-decided) and if at all she reads it, I will surely be dead. Its quite a daring act to admit in public that I have never liked Salman khan's style and I am risking my life, nevertheless, I will stick to my words. Dabangg was a little different from most of the Salman Khan's flicks. It wasn't that bad (I wouldn't mind if you read it as, it was a good movie). No seriously, I kind of liked it even though it had truck loads of useless drama and was a total nautanki (I think I have used this term about 50 times since yesterday).

Talking about his dance, it was still his usual overacting and forced steps but this time it was a deliberate attempt to make us laugh and fortunately (or unfortunately) he succeeded. All through the movie I was laughing at the top of my voice and I so so so loved Salman's overacting. I think for the first time ever. I loved every single dialogue he said and every single move he made. And I am not over the movie yet. It doesn't end with Salman. You should see Sonu Sood. I don't know what you are going to think about me but on seeing him on screen I almost imagined him in bed with him. He is so hot. And he has got a fabulous body. For a split second, my heart skipped a beat when he came out semi nude. Really..!! He is simply irresistible.

Okay, I think it is my turn to go a little overboard but I'll still let you in a little secret. I was actually fantasizing about kissing Salman khan with that little moustache. I mean, I have always despised men with moustache (No offense to you if you have a moustache, girl's generally don't like it). But after this movie, I gave it a thought. I realised that men could actually look cute hot with a moustache. Though I still prefer a clean shaven man, the probable scope of finding an eligible man for me has suddenly increased. I definitely have a reason to rejoice.

Humka peeni hai, peeni hai, humka peeni hai..

Saturday, September 11, 2010

A change much-needed

Those who have been following my blog, regularly, know that I haven’t be the cheerful, bubbly girl of late. Off and on I have been cribbing about my life, how much I hate it and how much I desperately needed a change. Change is good, I think. It really helps you to get over that depressing monotony and replenish our almost-dead-souls. Sometimes you really wish to take a plunge into a bucketful of refreshing water (as in freezing cold) and just come out afresh, put on your roller skates and just rattle on. I mean, doesn’t it sound way too exciting. I wouldn’t mind a change, a wild adventure that is. Not that I am looking for a near-death experience but yes, a little change in the mood is always welcome. Eagerly.

Don’t take me wrong here. I am not cribbing again. I just had a little encounter with fun last night and it did help me get the ball rolling this morning. It was simply a little hoopla which not just made me smile but brought a big grin on my face.  Just a little bounce here and a little leap there, it felt nice to be dancing again, especially when I was two drinks down. It is not that I haven’t partied in a long time. Just a week back there was a small reunion with my college friends and I had a wonderful time. The only difference was that the mood wasn’t right then and some small issues creeping into my mind didn’t really let the alcohol do its bit but it was different yesterday. Maybe my mood of a lighthearted, jovial and a happy-go-lucky soul made me pull through my constant unceasing snarls. I had a lovely time. The fact that I wanted to move on, perhaps, made me enjoy more than I usually do. The best part was that I didn’t know half the people there. I could just be the way I wanted to be. 

Anyhow, it’s a lovely day today. I loved the rain and I thoroughly enjoyed the drive to the office. My fingers, that were on a lookout for a jazzy song, had been rapidly shuffling through the radio stations and stopped every time there was a breath-taking number on the other side (read ear-splitting wild music ). There was absolutely no bickering from anyone and there wasn’t anybody to yell at. Gosh, at times I wonder how life would have been if I had been the only woman on this earth. Just me and myself.

You know what? I must admit, I have started to love spending time in my own company. It just makes me recollect all the loose threads in my life and weave them the way I want them to be. I know, I know. Don’t tell me that you guys think that I love myself a lot. Yes I do and I already know that. After all, main apni favourite hun..!!

 :D

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Envisage

As a kid, I have had an image in my mind. Over the years my perceptions have changed, and so has that image. But there is only one aspect which hasn't changed and remains intact in that image. No thoughts, no knowledge and no perceptions has ever been able to change it. Though I had entirely forgotten about it, a few days back I was reminded of the image while I was travelling by car. I know, this isn't really a good way to start a post but my heart and soul are completely lost in that image right now that I am not able to get my words right. 

I have always tried to imagine what my life will be like, lets say 10 or maybe 20 years down the line. My mind has had innumerable encounters (sometimes consciously and sometimes unconsciously) with the people who will be a part of my life a few years hence. Though it is entirely an illusion, I am just being optimistic that I would get all that I have been daydreaming about. But, there is one thing that I desire with my purest heart. The place where I am going to live. Sadly, the image is nowhere near the image that I have of Delhi. Not that I don't like Delhi, but it is certainly not the place I would want to spend my entire life in. Okay, its not even that I have any plans of leaving Delhi in the near future (I am so so so in love with this city that the mere thought of leaving it gives me jitters). But I have realized that the image that I have in my mind is not of this lovely city. It is more of a serene place, nothing like what I am living in right now. 

Do those six lane roads on either side in a metropolitan city excite you..?? It doesn't even have half an effect on my adrenaline. Maybe because I have grown up in Delhi and I have always seen these wide roads, it doesn't make my heart skip a beat nor does it makes my heart rush. I want to live in a place which is eerily quiet with no traffic rush. I want to live in a place with four lane roads, two on each side and a huge divider in between which has huge trees planted every 1 meter. The two lanes must have trees on either side in such a way that only see a thin blue strip of the sky is visible amidst the trees. When I look up in the sky, I don't want to see the bright sun glaring at me. All I want to see a clear sky with a color so blue that even the richest blue looks pale in front of it. I want the entire city to look beautiful; without a single depressing sight to look at. 

And flowers. Yes, ofcourse. Imagine an enormous field of yellow tulips stretching up to the horizon. Maybe it'll remind you of Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge (the only difference being that there it was a field of yellow mustard instead of tulips). No, I don't want my man to come running towards me singing "tujhe dekha to yeh jaana sanam". I'd rather sit on a lush green pasture near that band of flowers reading books to my kids. I want to live in a small city with not many inhabitants around. Quiet and yet so lively. I wish to teach my kids how to swim in an open lake. I don't want to spend time and energy (and money too) trying to get a membership in the best club in Delhi. Apart from a few filthy rich friends who believe in nothing but show off, I would have nothing. Yes, I will be able to provide good education to my children. But its not necessary to live in a metropolitan city to do that. I simply want to lead a peaceful life away from all the hustle and bustle of the big cities. 

I am sure a lot of you might think that I am a fool to be dreaming things like this. My image is more like a scene straight from a movie. Some of you might even argue that it doesn't happen anymore. But I know that somewhere it does happen. I know that I may never leave Delhi but I have an extremely sweet image in my mind. Over the years, all I have done is dream. I have always considered life to be a fairy tale. I still believe that a charming prince would come my way and I would elope with him on a horseback. I still think that I am the most beautiful person alive on this earth. I still have a hope that someday my name will make the headlines.   I still expect that when I wake up the next morning, life doesn't give me a single reason to frown. I don't know how much of it would be true. I know that all I doing is building castles in the air. But its just this hope that keeps me going. All I hope is for a better tomorrow. 

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

What makes a woman happy?

Why do people feel lonely even when they have a hundred people around them? How is it that people who are single not be lonely? What do they have that others in a relationship do not have? Why do they feel empty inside? I have had the same questions running through my mind over and over again. I still have them but it is just that every time I think about the answers, they only get clearer. Amy’s O, I saw this movie yesterday and yes, it did help me get a few answers straight. For the same reason, I loved this movie.

“Money cannot only buy happiness but it can also buy a magnifying glass where you see your deepest emptiness.” 
                                                                        
Being a woman, I have also questioned myself as to what would make me happy, now or maybe even 15 years down the line. Trust me; there aren’t too many options available. I want to be rich and famous. I want a husband. I want to have children with my husband. I want my parents near me. I want my girl friends with whom I can bitch. I want a successful career. I also want an amazing sex life. Along with a few small things here and there, this list is exhaustive. Once I have all these things, I think I’ll be happy. I think so.
But there is something else that is needed to make every woman feel complete. A lot of single women out there, who live alone, do not feel the emptiness inside because they are not lonely. But a lot of other women, who have men in their lives and almost all of the above mentioned things, still feel lonely. That’s because there is something missing, something so small that they have learned to live without it and yet it is not that small a thing to be ignored.

There are hopelessly romantic people all over the world who try every other way to connect to the opposite sex and they do succeed. Sometimes, they say that besides love, it is necessary to have a wonderful sex life. Perhaps they just mean to say that sex becomes a savior for relationships that no longer have any spark in them. Sex does ignite that spark but it doesn’t when there isn’t any love in between. There definitely has to be love for things to work out. Let us be very clear here. I really believe that a perfect sex life can only come to those women who have that right man in their lives. And how would you know if the man is right? Men, please don’t frown here. I mean to ask the same question to you too? How would you know if the woman in your life is right? I say, you would just know. Your first instinct would tell you. Do I sound like a fool? Yeah, maybe to some I do but let me explain what I mean here. Or rather let us take an example. Just take anybody you know who you think is in love, today or has ever been in love. It could be you, it could be anybody, your mom, your dad, anybody. Now, when was the first time that person felt that he or she is in love? I am talking about the very first time. The first instant when you felt that yes, he is the one for me, or she is the one for me. There must have been a first time when that feeling arose inside. It could have happened to your mom and dad too. They have been married for ages now. Infact, most of them got married before they started loving each other. Arranged marriages..!! It happens in them too. There is one single instance when you know that who married the right person. I repeat it is the first instinct when you come to know that.
Frankly, I had grown to believe that these first instincts are merely false alarms. I mean, they could be false in many cases. But now I think that it is our failure to understand what love is. And for those who have been a victim of these false alarms, then my dearest sweethearts, let me just tell you that these false alarms were nothing but questions without an answer. Infact they don’t even qualify to be called instincts. And this is not my experience speaking, this is what my perception is. This is what I have chosen to believe. And yes, I do believe in it.

Let me be a little biased now. Let me speak up from a woman’s heart. A true woman who wants to live a happy life, for her sex is not important. Sex only doubles the passion. If there isn’t any passion then I am sorry to say that you are in a wrong relationship.

People, don’t take me too hard because I am neither a psychiatrist nor a relationship therapist to say it. I am just a woman who has certain perceptions and I just want to pen them down. It is as simple as that.

There is nothing in this world that can make a woman feel complete. Only love could do that to her.  

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The pain that I earned

It felt heavy like a stone,
My head refused to sway.
Stuck in one place, 
I could feel the throbbing within.
I didn't want to move.
There wasn't even a chance.
Sitting there, I tried to open my eyes.
It all looked hazy 
But I saw nothing,
It could have been tears, 
Or maybe even blood
Whatever it was, it had all dried up
If only my hands could reach for water,
Was it an accident,
Or was I drugged and raped,
I just couldn't remember 
But I could taste the blood,
I could feel the pain
My jaws hurt, and in my head 
there was a terrible migraine.
My lips cracked, 
I could feel them dry
Perhaps, I was dehydrated
water was what I needed.
I licked them with my tongue, 
little relief did I get,
Buried inside was a fact
unknown to the world
that this is what I had "earned"
the misery was all mine
and my life, now, adjourned.


I didn't want to write such a post but I did. When the mood is not right, it gets reflected in our thought process. I am not feeling too good. However, this is purely a piece of friction. To the best of my knowledge, it has no resemblance to me or my life or to anybody related to me in any way. I wrote it because I wanted to know what pain could do to others. Now I know..!!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'll be there for you..

There was a day when I was lonely, 
Weak I had felt, my knees wobbly,
Deceived, I felt, not knowing where to go
Such was my dismay, 
It seemed that life, on my face, gave me a big blow
You extended your hand, 
And you take a step towards me,
You took my hand in yours, and said,
"I promise to be with you, 
You don't have to worry,
You'll find be standing right next to you,
In every situation that seems a bit awry."


There was another day when you were lonely,
Perhaps unable to speak up, you still wouldn't agree
Don't know how you felt,
But being your closest friend, 
I knew you weren't well.
I extended my hand,
And I took a step towards you
You looked odd; little concerned, I said
"I promise to be with you,
And you don't have to worry, 
You'll find me standing right next to you,
In every situation that seems a bit awry."


Just a few days back, it so happened
Unsure of the future, I remained baffled
Friends we shall always remain, I wanted to say
but before I could say anything, 
you put your finger on my lips, 
"Ssshhh", 
"Don't utter a word"
You took a deep breath and you said, 
"I promise to be with you, 
and you don't have to worry, 
You'll find me standing right next to you,
in every situation that seems a bit awry."


And today, it happened again,
Lonely and distraught, difficult to ascertain
But I could sense that there is something bothering you,
I know that you don't wish to talk,
I am not in a hurry, 
Its okay, the stories can wait
But there is something that I wanted to tell you
Maybe you won't listen but I want you to know, 
That I promise to be with you,
and you don't have to worry.
You'll find me standing right next to you,
today, tomorrow and forever even if the situation is not awry. 

Friday, August 27, 2010

Mind Block

Does it happen too often with you that your mind gets blocked and you're unable to think straight over simplest of problems. Do you want to take a break and move out of the daily mental upheaval and all you intend to do is to go in a blissful slumber forgetting everything that eats your brain day in and day out. I don't know if anybody would agree or not but I am definitely in this state and that's the reason why I often feel out of place.

Bruised and battered amidst a dense jungle,
I find myself all alone, surrounded by
those hungry eyes tearing me down, 
razor sharp claws ready to pounce at the slightest of movement,
deadly venom dripping from their salivating mouths
and their famished stomachs waiting
for the mouth-watering feast to be served on a silver platter


This is exactly my current state. I have nothing better to do than just sit back, observe people and their unusual characteristics (yeah, right). You know sometimes, it is quite amusing to see the extent to which people can pursue diplomacy and at the same time indulge in telling white lies. No, seriously. It is quite amusing.

Anyway, this is part of growing up (vertically and not horizontally, definitely not the way I have been growing all the while)

And you, Mr. Blocked Mind, shoooooo..!!


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Absence

16, she counted on her fingers. 16 years had passed. 16 whole years. Her life had moved on. She had her own times, some good and some bad. She had her own memories, some that brought a smile on her face and some that brought tears in her eyes. And she had lived them all. Strong inside and beautiful outside, she tilted her head a little upwards and closed her eyes. A little tear that trickled down her face was soon lost as it got mixed with other drops that fell from the shower. Neeta froze under the shower. It wasn’t a good time to be reminded of something that always made her heart weep. But life has its own way of bringing back memories at times that may not be appropriate. And there she stood crying over something that could not be reversed.



******


She got down from the school bus. Usually, her mother came to pick her up from the bus stop. She didn’t understand why she had sent the servant today. But without a word, she let the servant hold her hand and walk her to the other side of the road where she lived. Winters had just got over and the sun was shining bright. It was a hot day and she wiped the beads of perspiration that formed above her lips. For an 8 year old girl, the 500 meters walk back home was definitely tiresome. But she kept walking. She could almost see her house now. A two storied bungalow stood in front of her. She did not understand what a residential colony meant but she knew that her house was different from her friends. She wasn’t allowed to go out to play. She had no friends in and around her house. The only difference she could make out was based on her father coming home for lunch every afternoon. She knew that her father’s office was on the ground floor, just below the floor she lived on. Little did she understand that her house was in a commercial area. There were no houses around. There were just buildings where people worked.
But today, it all looked so different. The shutter to her father’s office was down. She tried to remember what day it was. It was definitely not a Wednesday when her father had a weekly off. The otherwise crowded place with labourers running here and there was completely deserted today. With a question in her eyes, she turned to the servant, “Bhaiya, aaj papa ka office band kyun hai. Aaj Wednesday to nahi hai” 


Much to her annoyance, he remained silent.


*****


Neeta remembered the proceedings of the day quite well. She was a kid then, she did not understand what it meant to lose a sister. She did not grieve for a single moment. The people around her thanked the good old God for taking her away, for at last she was relieved of the pain. Born as a mentally retarded child, Neeta had always seen her sister on the bed lying like a lifeless creature. But today, after 16 years, Neeta understands what this loss was for her mother and her father. Deep inside, she wanted to see her little sister again. Today she understands how her life would have been different if her sister had been alive. Today, she understands the absence of a sister, the most beautiful girl ever born on this planet. Sadly, Neeta does not have any of her pictures except the ones which she has in her memory. Memory of a little girl lying on the bed who could not speak, who could not walk and but somehow understood every word that Neeta spoke. And today, she has an empty feeling inside for there isn’t any little sister who could hear her speak.




PS: This is a true story.